The worst week ever

It's Monday. That means it's a brand new week. That means I am going to pretend last week just never happened at all.

Last Sunday I learned our little family has a file at the Emergency room. If you are wondering how you can accomplish this, just visit your local Emergency Room no less than 5 times in the 2 year span you live somewhere and I am sure they will give you one too. Super fun bragging rights.

The worst week ever began like any other normal Sunday. I was letting the boys play while I quickly ran in my room to get dressed for the YMCA before church. In the 3 minutes I was pulling on my workout clothes the boys were in the room and my older son Brooks came yelling for me that Luke was eating something. Well Luke eats everything so that didn't really set off my alarm trigger. Until Brooks came to me with one of the little tiny finger lights he loves to play with from the dollar store. He had taken it apart and was holding 1 tiny battery. It was then that he told me that there were 3 batteries and Luke had eaten 2 of them. PANIC MODE.

I went into complete crazy mom and we were at the ER in about 7 minutes I think. By the time I got there I had prayed the whole way and God had given me some peace about the whole situation which is crazy. I had been once before when I was convinced Luke swallowed a dime and they ended up not finding anything. So I think at that point I really thought they weren't going to find anything and we would still make church.

There is so no worse feeling in the entire world than thinking you failed your kids. My entire day is devoted to their well being. Staying home brings a lot of pressure, which is why if you're kid is being a real jerk one day you want to bang your head against the wall, because that is a bad work day. So when they wheeled the little x-ray machine over and immediately find the 2 tiny circle batteries in Luke, I had a total breakdown. It was not pretty. I felt horrible that I had left them for a minute in Brooks' room even though I had done that a million times before and I still feel like they should be able to play together in there (since then I have baby-proofed like you wouldn't believe, the only things left to play with are dinosaurs the size of their heads.)

So as I was bawling like an idiot in the ER about 4 training ER students come over and decide this is the right time to observe our little wing. They learn about all our past visits, take a few minutes to learn about the current situation, and decide they will probably not have kids ever. But seriously I am really thankful for those students because they entertained Brooks and allowed me to pull it together to hear about our next move. I was shocked to learn they weren't going to go in to Luke with some inspector gadget like device and pull those puppies out of there. But since they could tell they were completely intact and past the stomach, almost out, they said that we will just wait for them to "exit." I went home with tons of rubber gloves ready to go through Luke's poop looking for batteries. All the while, my husband is at work in NFL training camp with no ability to leave. Ay carumba.

So we headed home and I immediately began feeding Luke fruit, fiber one bars, anything. He didn't end up passing the batteries until the next morning......right after I got my first round of an EMERGENCY ROOT CANAL. Hence the worst week ever.

That evening, as if I was going to sleep a wink anyway, knowing 2 tiny batteries were swishing around in my babies belly, I had an insane sharp pain in my tooth begin about 11 p.m. It got progressively worse every hour until finally at 5 a.m., I called our dentist's emergency hotline. Yes that's right. I called the dentist emergency hotline. I am so embarrassed to admit that but I had 2 babies without an epidural and this pain was worse! I called the office in a panic, they said there was an emergency hotline, and I called it. Turns out it was my sweet dentist's home line and I am sure his wife didn't appreciate the psychopath on the other end of the phone saying that if I didn't get some pain relief I was going to be forced to pull my own tooth out with a tweezers or research his address and come on over. Luckily my doctor knows me and all my crazy and calmly said he would get to the office by 7:30 a.m. and that I should be there. Luckily I have an amazing friend Jessica who was at my house by 7 a.m. to watch my kids so I could go.

So I hate the dentist. I hate it more that roll of mom flap that goes over my jeans when I lean across the table for bread. I hate it more than nights when my toddler takes 72 minutes to go to bed because he is afraid he is going to miss a call from the President of Africa about the safety of Zebras. I hate it more than spending 60 dollars on diapers when I really want a new dress from Target. I really do not like enjoy the dentist. That being said, I do love my actual dentist because he is kind and he understands I am a big fat baby who doesn't want to be there and he calls in a hygienist to hold my hand while he does that horrible shot on my mouth. I always feel bad when I tell him I would rather be anywhere else in the world than sitting in that chair. He takes it like a man and says I know, this will be fast.

Turns out I had a very infected molar and it was so bad it took TWO appointments to get it worked out. How trashy am I? Not only do I have an infected tooth but it was so bad he couldn't even get through it in one appointment. I feel like I have the teeth of an old English woman. My poor husband who works so hard just to keep my rotting teeth in my head. I swear I brush my teeth and after a 5-year hiatus from the dentist I have been going every 6 months now for over a year. I have been brushing like a crazy person since last week because I never ever want to have pain like that again! Or someone to tell me I have an infected tooth. Blech blech blech.

So there is my story, worst week ever. So praise the Lord I am off to Cape Cod today to see my family. I am flying with my boys alone so the airport better be stocked up on chardonnaaaay. Go get your teeth cleaned my loves.
xoxo Big Mama