I will cut you

Today I posted a note on the front door. I used a green sharpie. I regret it, but only a little. The note said:
If you ring the doorbell, I will cut you.

Ya.....I did add a smiley face. 

You see, my son Luke had been woken up twice. The first was when my other little boy, Brooks, and I were racing to his bedroom for his rest, and we were too loud. Luke started to cry and I immediately regretted our fit of giggles because I knew I was so close to that magical, sparkly afternoon "free time." But I got Luke settled down and breathed a sigh of relief as I went to make myself a grilled cheese. Then, the mailman came to the door. He brings up all of our packages and rings our doorbell and talks to me for 10 minutes about the Dolphins until he realizes I know absolutely nothing and then gets bored of me. Well, Mark the mailman knows that my monsters nap, but he forgot and rang the doorbell, and bless his heart was cringing by the time I opened the door because he knew what he had done! He was already muttering "I'm so sorry" and slinking away in a sad sort of moonwalk. I must be really scary in the afternoon. Nonetheless, Luke was awake again and another 20 minutes was shaved off of my beautiful, sparkly, afternoon alone time. So this time, when I emerged after getting Luke down a second time, I wrote a note. I was desperate, I was tired, and my grilled cheese was cold. So I wrote, If you ring the doorbell, I will cut you.

I worked at the church this morning, and during the afternoon on these days, I need my "rest time" more than anything. "Rest time" for us typically means that Luke takes a 3 hour nap (praise Jesus!) and Brooks goes in his room. Brooks doesn't nap a ton anymore but he knows he is supposed to be in his room and by some miracle of God, on most days, he actually does stay in his room for 2-3 hours. A lot of moms will gasp and say "Oh you're so lucky!" when they hear this but I will say, I worked really hard at it. This isn't something that happened overnight, and I believe kids can be trained to nap/rest like this. I also believe that most need it, and if they don't, well I do, so it's happening. When Brooks transitioned to a big bed from a crib there was a rough week in there when he realized he had more freedom, but I cracked the whip and reminded him that Mom goes bonkers if she doesn't get a mental break.

Why does mom need naptime? Well there are lots of reasons. There isn't one certain thing I do during naptime, but there are a few things I rotate between.....

1. Watch trashy television
Well I'm not sure if you could call 19 kids and counting trashy. It's pretty much amazing. The Duggers are wonderful people, and quite frankly, they are intoxicating. I don't know why, because I am not anything like them, but I find them fascinating, and when I lay in bed, and watch their children "court" potential lifelong mates and all they can do is give each other a SIDE HUG, things in the world seem like they might be ok. Then I typically follow that show up with the Real Housewives of whatever city and I'm back on planet earth. I don't know why I love these shows but I do. I also love Sister Wives, Preachers Daughters, and Southern Charm, Lord I need a life.

2. Make believe online shop
I love to put things in my online shopping bag and pretend that I am Kim Kardashian and I'm going to order them all. My favorite websites are 
Lululemon - workout gear that costs one million dollars. I want to hate it but I can't and continue to buy leggings that must be made out of gold.
Anthropologie - I want to look like that cool, music festival, laid back hot mama but I think when I try it comes off as mostly homeless disheveled. 
Forever21- Once I turned 30, it really became more embarrassing than ever to actually walk into the store, so I began to shop online at this store even more. The hard thing is sizing, if I actually do order something. Most of the time I need a double extra-large from this store and half the time the dresses are so short that I need to layer my one-million dollar workout leggings under them.

3. Take a nap myself
I haven't done this as much lately, especially now that Brooks doesn't nap, but sometimes, it just feels so decadent to pass out myself in the bright sunshine afternoon and get all drool-crusted. Whenever my husband and I nap together on the weekends I always want to explain that I don't do this everyday! Because seriously, I don't!

4. Lay in bed and stare at the ceiling
The last thing I like to do is actually what I probably do the most. Yesterday from 345-430 Brooks asked me, probably 1,345 times, what happens to ducks when they die. I MEAN SERIOUSLY. I tried everything - I answered the question logically (they go to heaven, you will see some ducks in heaven). I answered it with a question (Where do you think they go?). I answered it over. and over. and over. And then I wanted to bang my head against a brick wall. Being a mom in this stage is just hard. Their little brains are working so much to decipher all the new stuff that's thrown at them and it's so much responsibility to be responsible for these little developing brains, sometimes it just feels so right to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. Sometimes I daydream, sometimes I don't. Mostly I think about nothing, which I have learned since being married that men do A LOT. When Zac and I were first married, I would ask him allll the time, "What are you thinking?" I quickly learned, the answer is NOTHING allll the time. It used to make me really mad, and then I realized that men may be on to something (with this one thing).

So the moral of this story is that, I need at least one hour in the afternoon to not have to ponder where ducks go when they die, and I'm sorry if you ever come to my door and there is a curt note.

I decided to go with the tagline where I will ask a question to my readers that I have been legitamately pondering....today's question is:
If you had a choice to live the rest of your life on Mars (but you got to bring your family) or you had to be bald and gain 75 pounds you couldn't lose, which would you choose? DISCUSSSSSS