OK I know that title is a bit harsh. I probably should NOT blog when I'm in this sassy of a mood, but, here we go anyway. I am really frustrated with all the hype over our children. Yours, mine, the ones that just had a full conversation in sign language at the park, heck I'm even frustrated with George. Yes, Prince George. I went there!
Again, I want to blame social media, but it's really just a starting point for the mania that we currently face as parents: everyone is bragging about their kids, and let's be honest - we are really lucky they didn't eat that booger in front of the teacher today and waited until they got in the car.
You see, even though someone is going to grow up to be the President, and another will grow up to be a Professor, and yet another will grow up to be the doctor that saves someone's life, when they are 2, they really are just a sweet, learning soul. And I really don't need to hear about your little angel who is learning mandarin every night before bed, because mostly, it makes me feel terrible that Brooks and I end each night by making up songs about all the things we have seen every day.
My son greeted me this morning by proclaiming, very proudly, that he "had a huge booger." By the time we are 30, we have learned that this is private information. Good gracious, you say to yourself upon waking up, what is that a shoe in my nose? And you scurry into the bathroom and take care of that booger. But at two years old, my Brooks lacks what you might call a "filter." If I'm using the restroom, even peeing, he will come ask me if I'm having a "really bad poop." I have no idea where he got this one. Just lately if I take more than 2.4 seconds to use the restroom, he asks me if I'm "getting a really bad rash." Everything in the potty arena is "really bad." There are no normal poops or rashes or tinkles. Everything is a really big tinkle, a very huge poop, or a really terrible rash. The point on this is that kids say hilarious things, and I revel in some of our public funny moments. Recently he asked a beautiful little Hispanic girl at the doctor's office if she was Dora. Last week he was convinced a very tall athletic man at the YMCA was a "Miami Dolphin." On the airplane coming back from Green Bay, Wisconsin, he zeroed in on a very large man with a beard and kept yelling, extremely loudly, "there goes that fluffy man again!" And the list goes on. They are exploring and learning social boundaries and it's hilarious and fun to watch. And most of the time, I'm really not embarrassed at what he says because it's harmless and he's learning.
Here's what I have a problem with....
1. All Natural Mom
Praise Jesus, I grew up on bologna and mayonnaise sandwiches, pop tarts (brown sugar kind only), and cheese melted in a glass (that's for another blog, and yes, I was an overweight child in junior high), and I'm just fine. In fact, I attempt to eat really healthy and think I am actually pretty balanced and normal. The point is, if your kid likes only yogurt and bran cereal for 3 months, he's going to be fine. And reading about that lady named Harmony who claims that her kid eats only fermented vegetables in the morning is just going to make you crazy, so either unfriend her, or know she's probably lying and she's alternating fermented vegetables with skittles as bribes. I can't be the only one....
2. My kid is gonna be President mom
I overheard an entire conversation at the grocery check out line about a lady who was very proud of her son, who was clearly growing to be a leader in the classroom, the sports field, and even the playground. Over time it had become clear to this mom that he had really begun to step out into the world as a student that could be seen leading by example. I thought, oh that's so lovely. Until I heard her say he had gotten the FIRST GRADE star student of the week. Holy. Moses. Lady. Slow. Down. I am so very proud of your little guy for the star of the week business, but the extra pressures we put on our kids at such a young age is so alarming it actually makes me a little sad. Whatever happened to being pleased with the fact that they are just going to school and having a great day? It's not enough anymore to just be bright, now they must be a leader, in 9 clubs and in 13 after school activities. Now, I have an almost 3 year old and a 1 year old, so I am not in that arena yet, but I really hope that when I get there, I'm praising things like getting through the day and not picking boogers till we get in the car, and letting them develop as they will naturally.
3. My kid is gonna be 7 feet tall mom
I am so over the chic who casually says that her little Johnny is suddenly so tall and is going to probably be 6 feet 5 inches and the NFL's best receiver in around 20 years. Of course, we all revel in our children's growth and I'm right there with you. There's something very rewarding and fulfilling about feeling like you are nourishing them and they are physically growing and happy children. But really at the end of the day I don't know if my kid is going to be 5'4" or 6'2" and I'm pretty positive I won't know until he's 19, so I'll worry about that day when it comes.
4. My kid never misbehaves mom
Honey please. Every child has their days! And adults have their days too! Just yesterday I was feeling extra spicy and misbehaved twice. Our entire life is really about facing every day and attempting to stay within whatever social parameters that are appropriate for our age and time in our life. And sometimes, there are just bad days. There are a lot of days that I'm downright desperate for a new way to discipline. I have tried it all -
Lovey Mom "Sweetheart, you have a beautiful soul and I love you more than anything in the world, but it's not ok to draw in red marker all over the wall of the house we are renting and can't find the paint for the wall."
Meany Mom "Brooks, if you don't stop kicking your crib and go to rest, so help me God I'm going to come in there and spank your bottom and not on your diaper!"
Ignorey Mom "La di da, la di da, I do not see you spitting out your food on purpose..."
Funny Mom (Saying this in a singing voice while also doing a jig) "Oh, little Brooks, we don't throw rocks at our neighbors car!"
Some days I have to be funny mom and some days I have to be meany mom. And yes, I really do spank, judge away, sometimes, that is what works for my Brooks and I.
I guess my point on this isn't really that your kid isn't special, because of course he or she is extremely special. I know God picked out my little spitfire Brooks and my little ball of macaroni Luke just for me, because he knew I had the ability to raise these children. But that doesn't mean that every day isn't a straight struggle. I worry every. single. day. that I am screwing them up or doing something that will hinder them and not give them the very best opportunity to be succesful. I guess all we can do is love them.....hug them as often as they will let me.....and hope they aren't mad I didn't take the time to teach them mandarin.
