I have a problem and I've got to shout about it. In my world, especially during football season, there are two little people and there are me. There is my husband, but because we get to see him so seldom, there are 3 people that are my main focus, and those people include my boys Brooks and Luke, and myself. Now don't get me wrong, during the 18 minutes I get with my husband alone each week, I am smothering him like a bear to honey. I swear I am getting to my point. I miss my husband.
My point is, as a coaches wife, it's very common to go through the motions of being a single mom for 6-7 months out of the year and forget to do things for yourself. Yes, I'm talking to myself, who hasn't washed her hair since last Thursday. I want to shout it from the rooftops (of Paris) that it is ok for moms to take a moment for themselves.
So here is where my issue comes in. It has come to my attention in recent years that anytime I mention doing something for myself, to keep my sanity, during these insane football months, or anytime of year quite frankly, it is usually met with a response like, "wow, that's crazy," or "oh my, I could never do that!" I'm not talking about jaunting off on a cruise to Greece either. I'm talking about a Saturday babysitter for 3 hours, a bath while they're awake but mildly entertained (thanks, SpongeBob!), or maybe picking up dinner for yourself and cooking them chicken nuggets (they don't touch the organic chicken and rice at my salad spot anyway, why waste $9??).
Let me be clear about one thing - my children are my priority, right after Jesus and my husband (happy wife, equals happy wife, equals happy kids. trust me). But that doesn't mean that taking a moment for myself while struggling to manage it all should be met with anything but a pat on my own back. I truly believe God wanted us to enjoy things in life and I want to stop the madness of mom guilt!
Of course when we are struggling through these bridges in motherhood and entering different phases, we go back to how our mothers did it. My mom says now she wishes she would have given herself more opportunities to take a break, which helps ease the guilt I feel. But one thing I think she did amazingly as a mother is teach us self sufficiency. I now have a 3 and 5 year old, and thank God, they are fairly self sufficient for a time period of about 30 minutes. But I do believe I have taught them that, and I do believe they know I expect that of them. So if it's been a particularly bad Thursday, and I haven't seen my husband since the previous Friday, I might need a bath at 6 p.m. And by golly if mommy needs it, then she should be able to find a way to get it. That might mean that I feed and bathe and pajama them, and turn on a show for 30 minutes, or set up crayons, But I will not feel one second of guilt for that soapy warm escape, because it allows me to emerge refreshed, happy, and I hope, teaches my kids that mommy might need a second sometimes, and that's ok.
I have overheard my older son tell my younger son on multiple occasions things like
"Luke, Mom is about to lose her mind and I can tell trust me. Be good."
"Luke let's clean up these toys because remember mom will be happy."
"Luke, if we are good I bet mom will take us to the park."
And ya wanna know what? I DON'T FEEL THE LEAST BIT GUILTY. It is ok for them to know that I might get frustrated, have a bad day, or even miss my husband. These are normal human emotions and the best part is that I can show them that I can have a bad day and still move on. Function anyway. Make dinner anyway. That is life, and it's ok to not be perfect, hair blown out, perky booty, amazing elf on the shelf mom 100% of the time. Heck my favorite saying from a beautiful mom friend I have is "we survived today. Seriously. Nobody died today." I just love you Dorothy!
Today's society is full of amazing moms who are doing it all and I commend you. It is a hard job no matter how you shake it down, whether you work in a corporate setting, a part time job, work from home, or your job is full time motherhood. Being a parent is hard work, and there is no shame in needing moments for yourself.
I know what detractors and critics could and may say about this blog write up. That someday, I'll be old and gray, sitting in my house alone and I'll miss their sticky fingers and gummy smiles. And I will regret terribly that I didn't get to give every single bath, play every single game of tag, and give out every single kiss on the cheek. But the truth is I don't regret any of it so far. I don't regret any babysitter that I have been fortunate enough to have love on my kids. I don't regret the beautiful Mother's Helper who is with my kids in the family room right now. I can hear their giggles, and writing makes me feel whole. I feel incredibly blessed that my husband makes enough that it's not a financial struggle to have her over. I think that it is good for Brooks to see me "having time in your room to do your computer stuff." This means my child sees me taking care of myself as needed. And I pray that someday he marries somebody who never stops sparkling to him, and he counts the hours until the babysitter arrives to take her on dates. And he reminds her that it's ok to have over a Mother's Helper and shut the bedroom door for some quiet time. She will emerge renewed. Refreshed. Ready to take on the rest of the day and greet him at the door with a big kiss.
To all my mom friends, I pray this holiday season brings you time to relax. Set the kiddos up with that Captain Crunch in the bowl and don't think twice about it. Draw yourself a bath and remind them that moms need little breaks now and then. Close your eyes and listen to them giggle and talk to each other and pat yourself on the back. You're doing a great job, and you deserve it.
xoxo Big Mama
