Awhile back I wrote a post about the "Truths To Know Before Having a Baby." Here it is in case you missed it:
http://bigmamataylor.blogspot.com/2012/06/truths-to-read-before-having-baby.html
Since then I have realized, there is also quite a bit you should know before the thing even comes out - there are some truths, some things that nobody likes to talk about, that everyone should know before getting all knocked up.
There will be a lot of times you will out eat your husband
I'm not going to lie to you, this actually happens to me a lot, not even pregnant, but it always seems a little more embarassing when you've already packed on 30 lbs and still want to order the "Hungry Man's Special" at Ihop. Doesn't help when the Husband is going for the egg white omelet. Just bow your head and plow forward, you're starving and your baby might be growing a liver or something today. In fact, it helps if you have that article from babycenter.com cued up on your phone to show your husband or the waiter if you get shy about the order. Just thrust the article about how today they form all necessary limbs into their face and tell them to bring you the largest stack of pancakes that can physically fit on to the plate before you start yelling things.
You will fart....all the time
Oh man, I'm sorry to drop this bomb on you. But it's true. Babycenter explains here.
http://www.babycenter.com/0_gas-and-bloating-during-pregnancy_247.bc
In the above article, BabyCenter explains that even the average person passes gas about 14-23 times a day. Well I'm not a dainty lady or anything but that seems a bit extreme to me. Maybe I'm doing a lot of this in my sleep. Either way, when you are pregnant, expect whatever your typical to be ATYPICAL. It's gonna get ugly before it gets pretty. Be most careful of the in-bed, under a huge down comforter gas explosions. These are not regular little toots. These are the toots of a woman making a baby. There is so much stuff going on inside that abdomen, and it can result in hurricane levels of gases on the outside. Have you made your husband read this part? If he does, he probably doesn't want to make out tonight. Sorry.
You will waddle...yes even you
I love the people that set out thinking that they will be the "cute pregnant ones." Ya I was one of them many moons ago. Let me tell you a nasty secret: There's no such thing. I know. I just dropped a no-Santa Clause bomb on you, I'm sorry. But you can't tell me that even Heidi Klum didn't waddle at the end of that pregnancy. Have you ever noticed that celebrities always strut their model stuff around Hollywood until about 5-6 months and then mysteriously disappear for the last 4-5 months? That's because EVERYONE gets fat. We all have that little waddle at the end. Oh you're cute at 5 months pregnant? I'll give you a medal. NOT. Your baby is still not even a pound! Come back to me in 3 months. You will be waddling up to me, farting with every other step, demanding pancakes. I'd love to see my husband stick a 30 lb bowling ball up his shirt, resting it mostly on his bladder and pelvic region, have his feet swell up to the size of large turkey legs, and see if he doesn't start to walk with a little squat. This is a beautiful miracle this making a baby thing. I do not look beautiful doing it.
People will drive you insane with their comments
Things I have been told by complete strangers:
"Wow you are going to have a huge baby!" (And you have a huge nose, I'm not judging.)
"Oh my, did you think about having your two kids so close?" (No I never think, it kinda hurts my brain, I just procreate.)
"There is no way you will make it to your due date." (Wow you are one of those uplifting people huh?)
"Oh I couldn't tell you were pregnant from behind and then you turned around and I was like oh dang!" (Stop being creepy, go home.)
"Do you worry about the coffee you're drinking?" (first-I have one cup a day, bite me-second-no but you should worry that I'm going to head butt you very soon.)
Most of your body is going to itch, all the time, and it will take every shred of your self control not to strip down and itch your entire body in the grocery store.
Listen, your entire outer layer is stretching out to get bigger and bigger. Did you know snakes shed their outer layer like every other day or something? I would give anything to shed my whole outside of my body. The skin, stretching and stretching to it's maximum fat capacity? This just itches, apparently. Ohhhh you bought expensive cocoa butter lotion? Ya not gonna help. Go ahead, lube up, put it all over, and climb into bed all sticky. You still itch, dontcha!?
Sorry. But you are probably going to poop during labor. Nurses should make more money.
DONE!
Big Mama Taylor Blog
Monday, August 13, 2012
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Going for Gold
Aaaah the Olympics. You are literally made of stone if you don't get shed a tear or at least get a little mushy watching the Olympics. I take the cake by sobbing uncontrollably in my bed alone every night watching. It's not just the pride for our country either. I cry for other people too. Oh poor Russian girl just looked like an idiot on vault? Sob fest. Poor girl has been working out for like 17 1/2 of her 18 years and has only eaten steel cut oatmeal for the past 36 months. Someone get her a snickers bar and a hug before I go into convulsions. One could say that I am completely unstable watching the Olympics....they would be right.
It all started with the commercials. Months ago Olympic promotions began to display short background stories of athletes, and I got sucked in from the beginning, misting up even at the commercials. Morgan Freeman talking in the background about the guy from Ghana who has been running his whole life from child slavery and now will run for his country, I mean really, if you aren't sobbing now, you are literally ice cold.
I love sports, even though I'm not so much "an athlete" myself. I played various sports like softball and basketball (the lesbian ones, dainty I was NOT) through 8th grade, when they began to cut people. This stopped my athletic days right in their tracks. Then I heard of a little thing called cross country. You don't get cut, you tell me? It's for the coolest of the not cool people, I hear? We just run around in cute outfits and chat with each other? On Fridays before meets we get to do ice cream runs? It's like they made this sport for me. Even though I am not athletic myself though, I just love watching, enjoying, and even (embarrassingly) playing sports. I have grown up around it with a dad as a football coach and somehow found myself staring down the barrel of another 40 years of it by marrying a football coach and having (at least) 2 boys.
A big part of why the Olympics hit home for me is because these people have literally dedicated their lives to these moments. I can't even take a nap on the couch without my right leg falling asleep, so ya, I think it's pretty amazing that this poor little guy from Russia has been training since he was 2 years old and hasn't eaten any kind of fat for a decade. Again, I get annoyed when I am at the front of the grocery and realize I forgot milk and have to go back, and I get winded putting my son in his car seat (every time...). These people are in the best shape and are on the highest stage, it's magnetic and electrifying to watch!
Some of the things that I have found most impressive so far really circle around gymnastics. I spent a nerve wracking hour watching the men on the parallel bars, I didn't even know this was one of the events. They just swing around and land on their forearms?! This is a horrible idea, stop this now. Um the vault. Seriously. It takes me 20 minutes of thinking about it and all my physical strength to get out of bed if I'm in a flat position. I have to do a special roll and tuck now that my belly has grown to massive proportions. And this person is getting criticized because they didn't get high enough? Pretty sure that chic was hanging out in the rafters so you can bite me mean announcer lady.
Speaking of mean announcer lady. The announcers. First, I would like to know more about your background, each negative person, because unless you are like a gold medal winner, you really need to take it easier on these people. I watched a floor routine that I for one was pretty impressed by, and this lady deducted points throughout, but didn't explain why. Um, sorry I'm not a gymnastics expert, but that was a great tumble and I have no idea why you keep saying "that's a point right there." Please explain yourself. Or at least have a little side area of the television reserved for explanations for the "idiots watching the Olympics who are super into it but have no clue what is going on."
Ok as you can tell I'm an equal opportunist and love all the athletes. However, in watching these Olympics, I really have an innate feeling that it's between us and the Chinese and I have no idea why. Is this just because they have been installed in me as villains? Am I just jealous of the dragons on their uniforms (oh my gosh, cool)? I can't pinpoint it but every time I see one on tv I want to trip them, or at least beat them in everything. (I wrote this last week and I was spot on with my instincts, they're the only country beating us in medals!!! We must beat the Chinese!!)
One thing I think is really hard to tell on television is the speed of the Track and Field stars. Since they're running in a pack it's hard to get through your mind that they are running 3:30 minute miles. I think for every Track and Field race they should throw in a decently in shape civilian, just so we have something to compare their speed to. I will happily volunteer. Would it be a bad idea to have 6 oatmeal chocolate chip cookies the night before a race? Because that's kinda my nightly routine now.
To round out my Olympic jibber jabber I would like to close the blog with open discussion of the outfits, mostly gymnastics. Oh it's just me on here. Ok I'll go.
Gymnastics-Yowza. So glad that I do not have to wear this outfit. Then again I am not a 4 foot 11 inch little pistol of muscle, but that little number actually gives me nightmares.
Beach Volleyball-Am I the only one who wonders if there is just sand all up in the pikachu? The other night they were wearing leggings instead of the bikini. Maybe the chaffing has just finally worn them down.
Swimming-These.suits.are.not.flattering. These women are just so crazy in shape, but these suits make their shoulders look like a 280 lb linebacker. I know that swimmers may somewhat this shape anyway, but it seems like these suits just make it worse?! Can't a girl swimmer get a halter up in here? Does the swim cap REALLY make that big of a difference!? Because it is not cute. I would finish my swim and yank that thing off so fast, I would consider swimming underwater and not coming up until I was without my cap on. I would not be concerned about my time, but if I had "swimmer cap hair" (it's a thing.) And this, and many other reasons, is why I am not an Olympic swimmer....
It all started with the commercials. Months ago Olympic promotions began to display short background stories of athletes, and I got sucked in from the beginning, misting up even at the commercials. Morgan Freeman talking in the background about the guy from Ghana who has been running his whole life from child slavery and now will run for his country, I mean really, if you aren't sobbing now, you are literally ice cold.
I love sports, even though I'm not so much "an athlete" myself. I played various sports like softball and basketball (the lesbian ones, dainty I was NOT) through 8th grade, when they began to cut people. This stopped my athletic days right in their tracks. Then I heard of a little thing called cross country. You don't get cut, you tell me? It's for the coolest of the not cool people, I hear? We just run around in cute outfits and chat with each other? On Fridays before meets we get to do ice cream runs? It's like they made this sport for me. Even though I am not athletic myself though, I just love watching, enjoying, and even (embarrassingly) playing sports. I have grown up around it with a dad as a football coach and somehow found myself staring down the barrel of another 40 years of it by marrying a football coach and having (at least) 2 boys.
A big part of why the Olympics hit home for me is because these people have literally dedicated their lives to these moments. I can't even take a nap on the couch without my right leg falling asleep, so ya, I think it's pretty amazing that this poor little guy from Russia has been training since he was 2 years old and hasn't eaten any kind of fat for a decade. Again, I get annoyed when I am at the front of the grocery and realize I forgot milk and have to go back, and I get winded putting my son in his car seat (every time...). These people are in the best shape and are on the highest stage, it's magnetic and electrifying to watch!
Some of the things that I have found most impressive so far really circle around gymnastics. I spent a nerve wracking hour watching the men on the parallel bars, I didn't even know this was one of the events. They just swing around and land on their forearms?! This is a horrible idea, stop this now. Um the vault. Seriously. It takes me 20 minutes of thinking about it and all my physical strength to get out of bed if I'm in a flat position. I have to do a special roll and tuck now that my belly has grown to massive proportions. And this person is getting criticized because they didn't get high enough? Pretty sure that chic was hanging out in the rafters so you can bite me mean announcer lady.
Speaking of mean announcer lady. The announcers. First, I would like to know more about your background, each negative person, because unless you are like a gold medal winner, you really need to take it easier on these people. I watched a floor routine that I for one was pretty impressed by, and this lady deducted points throughout, but didn't explain why. Um, sorry I'm not a gymnastics expert, but that was a great tumble and I have no idea why you keep saying "that's a point right there." Please explain yourself. Or at least have a little side area of the television reserved for explanations for the "idiots watching the Olympics who are super into it but have no clue what is going on."
Ok as you can tell I'm an equal opportunist and love all the athletes. However, in watching these Olympics, I really have an innate feeling that it's between us and the Chinese and I have no idea why. Is this just because they have been installed in me as villains? Am I just jealous of the dragons on their uniforms (oh my gosh, cool)? I can't pinpoint it but every time I see one on tv I want to trip them, or at least beat them in everything. (I wrote this last week and I was spot on with my instincts, they're the only country beating us in medals!!! We must beat the Chinese!!)
One thing I think is really hard to tell on television is the speed of the Track and Field stars. Since they're running in a pack it's hard to get through your mind that they are running 3:30 minute miles. I think for every Track and Field race they should throw in a decently in shape civilian, just so we have something to compare their speed to. I will happily volunteer. Would it be a bad idea to have 6 oatmeal chocolate chip cookies the night before a race? Because that's kinda my nightly routine now.
To round out my Olympic jibber jabber I would like to close the blog with open discussion of the outfits, mostly gymnastics. Oh it's just me on here. Ok I'll go.
Gymnastics-Yowza. So glad that I do not have to wear this outfit. Then again I am not a 4 foot 11 inch little pistol of muscle, but that little number actually gives me nightmares.
Beach Volleyball-Am I the only one who wonders if there is just sand all up in the pikachu? The other night they were wearing leggings instead of the bikini. Maybe the chaffing has just finally worn them down.
Swimming-These.suits.are.not.flattering. These women are just so crazy in shape, but these suits make their shoulders look like a 280 lb linebacker. I know that swimmers may somewhat this shape anyway, but it seems like these suits just make it worse?! Can't a girl swimmer get a halter up in here? Does the swim cap REALLY make that big of a difference!? Because it is not cute. I would finish my swim and yank that thing off so fast, I would consider swimming underwater and not coming up until I was without my cap on. I would not be concerned about my time, but if I had "swimmer cap hair" (it's a thing.) And this, and many other reasons, is why I am not an Olympic swimmer....
Saturday, August 4, 2012
It's a Hard Knock Life
Brooks and I are trying to support the husband by going to practice during training camp. Here is a picture of us at our first practice.
This year, the Miami Dolphins were asked to participate in an HBO special show called "Hard Knocks." This is basically The Real Housewives of New York, for men/football fans. It's a fun, reality television type look at an NFL team as they go through training camp, detailing players and situations and video taping pretty much every second.
Being the reality television crazed lady that I am (if you aren't watching Dance Moms, Toddlers and Tiaras, and Miss Advised, you are really missing out!), I of course wouldn't mind passing through the background of a Hard Knocks shot. I mean really. I live in Weston, Florida in suburbia, I am almost 7 months pregnant with a 20 month old. My biggest excitement is seeing what things will be "Buy One Get One" at Publix Grocery store every week. So judge me if you want but this is exciting stuff.
Here are some of my thoughts on how I could get an appearance on how to get on hard knocks....
Interview Time
I know when the Hubs has his up-close and personal interview with the NFL network crew. Would it be too much to fake going into labor during this hour so that someone has to burst into the room, screaming that he needs to rush to Memorial West Hospital as soon as possible? I guess this one isn't my actual body in the shot, but it's the idea of me....and maybe they would come to the hospital for the drama!? I guess it would be an issue when they get there and it's just me eating Krispy Kreme donuts in the lobby....
Yell at refs like crazy
This one is easy for me. I already like to act like I know a lot about football and scream things like "Get an eyeglasses appointment ref!" just for fun. I'm thinking I go to practice, get the practice refs really riled up, make a scene.....I can be "crazy practice lady!"
Go to practice in bikini....covered in dolphins.....7 months pregnant
Ok I admit this one is extreme. I'm getting desperate here. However I can almost guarantee without even slight hesitation that if I saunter in with Brooks in the BOB stroller in a dolphin-clad bikini, 7 months pregnant, I will get on that show. Things to consider with bikini scenario are:
*Getting arrested...hmm what kind of food do they have in jail? Do they have child care in jail? Not sounding so bad.
*The husband pretending not to know me. And then immediately checking me into a loony bin. He's too sweet to file for divorce, that's why I married him, but he for sure would set me up in some kind of mental facility. What if they don't allow a gal to eat 1 lb of dove chocolates a day? I wouldn't survive.
Dress brooks in dolphin costume
Does anyone know where to get a toddler sized dolphin costume? Never mind, the internet is amazing, that won't be hard. Things that concern me include: permanent scaring of Brooks, overheating inside said dolphin costume, I believe the heat index yesterday was about 172 degrees, and the chance that the little munchkin steals my thunder. This is probably my best shot, no?
These are just a few of my ideas, if you have any suggestions, I'm wide open, as the pregnancy may or may not be slowly frying my brain. Either way, don't be shocked if you hear about a spinoff coming soon to your HBO entitled "That Crazy Pregnant NFL Coaches' Wife."
This year, the Miami Dolphins were asked to participate in an HBO special show called "Hard Knocks." This is basically The Real Housewives of New York, for men/football fans. It's a fun, reality television type look at an NFL team as they go through training camp, detailing players and situations and video taping pretty much every second.
Being the reality television crazed lady that I am (if you aren't watching Dance Moms, Toddlers and Tiaras, and Miss Advised, you are really missing out!), I of course wouldn't mind passing through the background of a Hard Knocks shot. I mean really. I live in Weston, Florida in suburbia, I am almost 7 months pregnant with a 20 month old. My biggest excitement is seeing what things will be "Buy One Get One" at Publix Grocery store every week. So judge me if you want but this is exciting stuff.
Here are some of my thoughts on how I could get an appearance on how to get on hard knocks....
Interview Time
I know when the Hubs has his up-close and personal interview with the NFL network crew. Would it be too much to fake going into labor during this hour so that someone has to burst into the room, screaming that he needs to rush to Memorial West Hospital as soon as possible? I guess this one isn't my actual body in the shot, but it's the idea of me....and maybe they would come to the hospital for the drama!? I guess it would be an issue when they get there and it's just me eating Krispy Kreme donuts in the lobby....
Yell at refs like crazy
This one is easy for me. I already like to act like I know a lot about football and scream things like "Get an eyeglasses appointment ref!" just for fun. I'm thinking I go to practice, get the practice refs really riled up, make a scene.....I can be "crazy practice lady!"
Go to practice in bikini....covered in dolphins.....7 months pregnant
Ok I admit this one is extreme. I'm getting desperate here. However I can almost guarantee without even slight hesitation that if I saunter in with Brooks in the BOB stroller in a dolphin-clad bikini, 7 months pregnant, I will get on that show. Things to consider with bikini scenario are:
*Getting arrested...hmm what kind of food do they have in jail? Do they have child care in jail? Not sounding so bad.
*The husband pretending not to know me. And then immediately checking me into a loony bin. He's too sweet to file for divorce, that's why I married him, but he for sure would set me up in some kind of mental facility. What if they don't allow a gal to eat 1 lb of dove chocolates a day? I wouldn't survive.
Dress brooks in dolphin costume
Does anyone know where to get a toddler sized dolphin costume? Never mind, the internet is amazing, that won't be hard. Things that concern me include: permanent scaring of Brooks, overheating inside said dolphin costume, I believe the heat index yesterday was about 172 degrees, and the chance that the little munchkin steals my thunder. This is probably my best shot, no?
These are just a few of my ideas, if you have any suggestions, I'm wide open, as the pregnancy may or may not be slowly frying my brain. Either way, don't be shocked if you hear about a spinoff coming soon to your HBO entitled "That Crazy Pregnant NFL Coaches' Wife."
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Traveling Makes Me Want to Vom
After the summer vacation with the fam that I have had, I am ready to hunker down in my house only to leave for provisions like cookie dough and Chick Fil A. We have been in Fort Lauderdale, Weston, Orlando, New York, Boston, Cape Cod, Dallas, Oklahoma, and then just Brooks and I took a trip (through Detroit) to Green Bay, Wisconsin....now granted, New York and Dallas were airport stops but I need a nap just after typing them! However, if there is anything worth powering through for, it is definitely a fabulous friend's wedding. One of my best friends Emily got married this past weekend and I was beyond excited to be able to watch her marry a fabulous guys who treats her like a queen.
I briefly wondered if Delta Airlines would take pity on a gal traveling with a child alone and let me check Brooks as a pet for this trip, especially if I was able to convince them he really likes small confined spaces like dog crates. I figured someone would get all hot and bothered about this and call child services, so I was stuck boarding my 7th plane with the little ball of energy alone, and if anyone has ever flown with a small child (or got the dreaded seat next to one) you know why I feel like I'm about to cry. Traveling is tiring and stressful enough for a pregnant lady to do alone, let alone have to drag around a 28 lb hot mess the whole day.
I have a few gripes with traveling today, of course. It seems like every time I fly the planes are getting smaller and smaller, though it could be that I am getting bigger and bigger (that's actually a fact.) In fact, a man at the Y today informed me that I sure was "really pregnant," and that there was "no way" he could see me making it to November. Aaah lovely. Just what you want to hear. So I wedge myself into this tiny seat, grumbling things to myself about how I need to cut back on my McDonald's dipped cone intake, only to face the arm rest battle. You know exactly what I mean, lots-of-make-up blonde lady who totally stole my arm rest on the flight from Dallas to Ft Lauderdale. This lady was nice enough, but she won the arm rest battle, making my 3 inches of space to share with Brooks feel even smaller! There is a very important time period when you both first sit down, I'd say anywhere from 90 seconds to 4 minutes, when one of you is going to make it clear that they will be using the arm rest. You really can't go back once this decision has been made, a bit like someone shouting shotgun, you just mutter to yourself, "darn, they got me on that one."
In addition to the seats being tiny, I have a growing concern with the cleanliness of these seats. This of course stems from the fact that I have now seen what a toddler can do to those seats and I don't think they're spending hours between flights steam vacuuming each seat. I watched Brooks eat and spit out a full graham cracker, and then slowly grind it into the corner of the seat. When you are dealing with confined spaces you are just concentrating on survival mode, but it is after these flights that I wonder how many seats have been thrown up on, peed on, only to have me plop right down and settle in on them.
When you have a child sleeping on you there is not much you can do except people watch. The US Weekly Magazine is too far out of reach to risk waking said sleeping child, and the Delta Sky Magazine literally couldn't be more boring. Um, a 4 page spread on the snacks available on flight? Come on throw me a bone here I'm bored out of my mind. One thing that I noticed is that people really don't look cute while sleeping. Um, dude with your mouth hanging completely open with a goatee? I can see you have had extensive dental work. That's because I just spent 10 mind numbingly agonizing minutes staring into your mouth because my only other option is lady who keeps smiling at me (I'm afraid she wants to talk, we have 2 hours left, I can't chit chat with this chic that long).
I am deeply respectful of every single person who comes to their job every day and works hard, but can we all agree that the bag checking agents can cool their jets a little bit? I have found that the smaller the airport, the more strict these people are, as if to say, hey we may seem like small fries but we are going to run your backpack through 8 times, just to make you squirm a little. On the way back from Green Bay they literally did run my backpack through the scanner three times only to have to personally inspect it, opening it up to find about 25 trains and enough snacks to feed a small army. Really, am I your biggest threat, lady with a backpack full of trains?
Unfortunately, the husband wasn't able to come with me to the wedding, as Miami Dolphins training camp started the week before. You know what is a little sad? A married lady at a wedding alone. You know what is really, really, really sad? A pregnant married lady at a wedding alone. But don't fret, I would like to think I could make anything fun, so I spent a better part of Friday's rehearsal dinner chasing around the appetizer lady with the bites of fried Brie cheese. I would always catch her out of the corner of my eye coming out of the kitchen with new provisions and could see her making a distinct turn to avoid the pregnant lady so others could get some, but I always tracked her down.
Luckily my only other trip before Baby Taylor #2 makes his debut in November is a trip to Chicago I'll be taking alone for another wedding of one of my roommates in college, Hilary. It'll be great to see everyone and catch up, and I really look forward to riding a plane ALONE....and you better believe I'll be winning that arm rest war.
I briefly wondered if Delta Airlines would take pity on a gal traveling with a child alone and let me check Brooks as a pet for this trip, especially if I was able to convince them he really likes small confined spaces like dog crates. I figured someone would get all hot and bothered about this and call child services, so I was stuck boarding my 7th plane with the little ball of energy alone, and if anyone has ever flown with a small child (or got the dreaded seat next to one) you know why I feel like I'm about to cry. Traveling is tiring and stressful enough for a pregnant lady to do alone, let alone have to drag around a 28 lb hot mess the whole day.
I have a few gripes with traveling today, of course. It seems like every time I fly the planes are getting smaller and smaller, though it could be that I am getting bigger and bigger (that's actually a fact.) In fact, a man at the Y today informed me that I sure was "really pregnant," and that there was "no way" he could see me making it to November. Aaah lovely. Just what you want to hear. So I wedge myself into this tiny seat, grumbling things to myself about how I need to cut back on my McDonald's dipped cone intake, only to face the arm rest battle. You know exactly what I mean, lots-of-make-up blonde lady who totally stole my arm rest on the flight from Dallas to Ft Lauderdale. This lady was nice enough, but she won the arm rest battle, making my 3 inches of space to share with Brooks feel even smaller! There is a very important time period when you both first sit down, I'd say anywhere from 90 seconds to 4 minutes, when one of you is going to make it clear that they will be using the arm rest. You really can't go back once this decision has been made, a bit like someone shouting shotgun, you just mutter to yourself, "darn, they got me on that one."
In addition to the seats being tiny, I have a growing concern with the cleanliness of these seats. This of course stems from the fact that I have now seen what a toddler can do to those seats and I don't think they're spending hours between flights steam vacuuming each seat. I watched Brooks eat and spit out a full graham cracker, and then slowly grind it into the corner of the seat. When you are dealing with confined spaces you are just concentrating on survival mode, but it is after these flights that I wonder how many seats have been thrown up on, peed on, only to have me plop right down and settle in on them.
When you have a child sleeping on you there is not much you can do except people watch. The US Weekly Magazine is too far out of reach to risk waking said sleeping child, and the Delta Sky Magazine literally couldn't be more boring. Um, a 4 page spread on the snacks available on flight? Come on throw me a bone here I'm bored out of my mind. One thing that I noticed is that people really don't look cute while sleeping. Um, dude with your mouth hanging completely open with a goatee? I can see you have had extensive dental work. That's because I just spent 10 mind numbingly agonizing minutes staring into your mouth because my only other option is lady who keeps smiling at me (I'm afraid she wants to talk, we have 2 hours left, I can't chit chat with this chic that long).
I am deeply respectful of every single person who comes to their job every day and works hard, but can we all agree that the bag checking agents can cool their jets a little bit? I have found that the smaller the airport, the more strict these people are, as if to say, hey we may seem like small fries but we are going to run your backpack through 8 times, just to make you squirm a little. On the way back from Green Bay they literally did run my backpack through the scanner three times only to have to personally inspect it, opening it up to find about 25 trains and enough snacks to feed a small army. Really, am I your biggest threat, lady with a backpack full of trains?
Unfortunately, the husband wasn't able to come with me to the wedding, as Miami Dolphins training camp started the week before. You know what is a little sad? A married lady at a wedding alone. You know what is really, really, really sad? A pregnant married lady at a wedding alone. But don't fret, I would like to think I could make anything fun, so I spent a better part of Friday's rehearsal dinner chasing around the appetizer lady with the bites of fried Brie cheese. I would always catch her out of the corner of my eye coming out of the kitchen with new provisions and could see her making a distinct turn to avoid the pregnant lady so others could get some, but I always tracked her down.
Luckily my only other trip before Baby Taylor #2 makes his debut in November is a trip to Chicago I'll be taking alone for another wedding of one of my roommates in college, Hilary. It'll be great to see everyone and catch up, and I really look forward to riding a plane ALONE....and you better believe I'll be winning that arm rest war.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)