Since my little boy Luke turned one, I have been thinking about when we would have our next kid. Not necessarily in an I-can't-wait kind of way, more in a will-we-and-when-will-we. I would say I'm sort of a planner, so it's easy to let my mind wander and think about the day we will have 3 and what would work out best for our family. We have had our 2 kids at the end of football season and it actually worked out wonderfully, but I could have very well given birth to either of them during a fourth-quarter scoring drive, alone. Brooks came at 5 in the morning the day after the football season ended, and Luke came the morning Zac left for a 48 hour trip to Buffalo for an away game. I also had them both within about 45 minutes of arriving at the hospital, so I'm lucky my husband was with me for both as well. I want to have the next one at home but I haven't gotten the Mister on board with that one just yet.
So, if we are lucky enough to have another, a springtime baby would be kinda nice. In these dreams, however, I either forget that I actually have to go through the 10 months of grueling pregnancy, or I look like Angelina Jolie pregnant in them. Let's get one thing straight: I never looked like Angelina Jolie, pregnant, not pregnant, sleeping, anytime. The second I am pregnant, my body swells like the Michellin man and I remain that way for the entire time. I get fat face just thinking about being pregnant. I actually feel my ankles swell a little when I'm even in the presence of pregnant people. And as puffy as I'll be, and as crazy as our 2 current kids make me, I am up for more kids. I guess that makes me actually, literally, crazy. And since my husband took me on a fabulous trip to Italy we actually have a binding contract, made with words, over wine, that I shall bear (bare? my brain is being fried by my children) him another child.
I'm just upset that there aren't more options out there for this whole "how to have a third kid" thing. I mean let's be serious, when you go to the grocery, you can pay with your credit card, pay with debit, write a check, use cash, get cash back....but if I want another baby, I'm either going to have to adopt or just grow the thing myself. This just doesn't seem very fair, and I'll tell you why. I don't want to. I would like for this next child to just show up on my doorstep, say next May? Tuesdays are good for me.
I want to state one thing before I go any further and that is that I'm very aware that I have been lucky enough to have the 2 crazy children I do have, and that God made this world and made women to carry the babies. It's a miracle, it's beautiful, and yes of course I cry every time someone posts one of those videos where the lady gives birth in the tub and the baby comes out and there's Enya playing and the dad is crying and gosh, ya it's beautiful. It's bananas that women can just grow a child. Like, one day you are kissing your husband and then BAM, 10 months later you have a human being that could look exactly like you.
But you know what those precious videos don't usually show? Any of those 10 months, 40 weeks, 280 days of suffering. The ones where you have to pull on your black compression socks from Wal-Mart, and sleep in them, and nothing else, because your body is swelling quite frankly from the toes up, but you sweat through all your clothes at night. So you're reduced to this sweating mass of a person, carrying another person, sleeping with the blanket over just one leg, because you're somehow hot, cold, sweaty and shivering all at the same time. Ya. The little videos never seem to show that part.
Just once I want someone to post a video where they are muttering curse words into the camera on the first day of the 3rd trimester. If it's anyone like me, they have already gained 30 pounds at this point and know that from this point out they are pretty much staring down the barrel of 2 lbs a week weight gain for the next 12 weeks. I will consider making a video like this myself but then I can really guarantee there will not be anymore children. Because after having recorded video footage of myself waddle after my kids at the park and plopping my sausage feet up on pillows at the end of the day, that will be it for me.
Can you tell I'm just dying to get preggo? I guess the moral of this TMI story is that it just doesn't seem fair. Over the weekend, my absolutely adorable hubby and I had this discussion about how it seems like he's always gets a break. Well that obviously isn't entirely true. He gets up around 5, goes to cross fit on the way to work, has to arrive by 7 for meetings, sometimes earlier, and on the days he is able to get home at 5:45, which is only a few months in the spring, he comes in the door in a great mood and helps me until the last second those little people go to bed. I can't really say that I could ask him to do anything he isn't doing, I just think guys don't always realize the little pockets of luckiness they have throughout the day - that nice bathroom break you got to do alone, without someone hanging on your foot, with a snot bubble coming out of their nose. You got to brush your teeth without someone pulling down your pajama shorts. That time you ate lunch, and there wasn't someone throwing rice and beans at you during your lunch, was that nice? Maybe you even got an adult conversation at lunch, and didn't have to discuss with your 3 year old why there is sometimes corn in his poop. And then have another conversation about how it's really not appropriate to conversate about your poop. LORD DELIVER ME.
Guys just seem to have it lucky in that whole, being alone a lot of the day way. And in that whole, THEY DON'T HAVE TO CARRY THE CHILD WAY. Can I just say, to this day I still don't understand why we don't alternate pregnancies. I guess we would have to sit down and figure out an exit plan for the little person, but beyond that, it seems like it should be an every other thing, AMIRIGHT?
I would like my husband to come home from the hospital and spend 20 minutes looking in the mirror at his postpartum body, and then cry in the corner for 1 hour until his boobs are so full of milk he has to nurse the baby. Actually, I don't really want him to do this, thinking of him doing this whole scenario just made me feel really weird, but it would be nice if he could know how this actually feels. Because when I'm 4 months postpartum and still feel like a doughy blow fish, it really doesn't help when he tells me that the weight will still come off. UMMMM It is off you jerk, it has just displaced itself in very different areas on my body and I look like a stretched out version of my former self. The correct answer was "you have never looked so hot! I got nervous because I thought Heidi Klum broke into our house to use our mirror." I'm going to go take a bath and sob now, because you didn't say the Heidi Klum thing, thankssomuch.
I also feel a little guilty that for this kid, there isn't that excitement that there was before. The first pregnancy is of course, over-the-top, beaming, rainbows and butterflies. YES! We can procreate! We did it! You're stuff works, my stuff works, BOOM, we are doing this thing. The second pregnancy was exciting in a different way - we are giving you a sibling! You're going to have so much fun together! This time around I almost just feel irresponsible - are we really equipped for this? Some days I can barely get the 2 I have dressed and fed. There was a day a couple weeks ago that I'm pretty sure all they ate was a ton of cereal and mandarin oranges. There isn't a spare minute in the day so where is this new baby gonna fit? I feel like if my kids were behaving their typical crazy way at the grocery store and I was also pregnant people would just walk by me and shake their heads. If there were thought bubbles over their heads, they would say, "that lady should probably stop procreating and handle those ones."
If I'm forced to think of some positives I guess I do look forward to the day I eat 6 krispy kreme donuts in one sitting and don't really feel any guilt. Sure, there's a chance that 2 lb kid in there is going to have a killer sugar crash in a few hours but I'll be napping when that happens. There will be lots of chocolate eaten in my bed, and in the bath. You really haven't lived until you have eaten half a bag of caramel doves in the bath tub. That will happen, and it will be fun. So there you have it. The good the bad and the ugly about our preparations and my TMI thoughts to have more children. Thank you Jesus for the ones you have given me, and I pray you bless us with one when the time is right. And if you decide that dropping it in a moses basket like a stork next May is best, then I'm all for that plan.
Question for you to ponder:
If you had to lose your taste or your hearing, which would it be?
Big Mama Taylor Blog
Monday, April 28, 2014
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
I will cut you
Today I posted a note on the front door. I used a green sharpie. I regret it, but only a little. The note said:
If you ring the doorbell, I will cut you.
Ya.....I did add a smiley face.
You see, my son Luke had been woken up twice. The first was when my other little boy, Brooks, and I were racing to his bedroom for his rest, and we were too loud. Luke started to cry and I immediately regretted our fit of giggles because I knew I was so close to that magical, sparkly afternoon "free time." But I got Luke settled down and breathed a sigh of relief as I went to make myself a grilled cheese. Then, the mailman came to the door. He brings up all of our packages and rings our doorbell and talks to me for 10 minutes about the Dolphins until he realizes I know absolutely nothing and then gets bored of me. Well, Mark the mailman knows that my monsters nap, but he forgot and rang the doorbell, and bless his heart was cringing by the time I opened the door because he knew what he had done! He was already muttering "I'm so sorry" and slinking away in a sad sort of moonwalk. I must be really scary in the afternoon. Nonetheless, Luke was awake again and another 20 minutes was shaved off of my beautiful, sparkly, afternoon alone time. So this time, when I emerged after getting Luke down a second time, I wrote a note. I was desperate, I was tired, and my grilled cheese was cold. So I wrote, If you ring the doorbell, I will cut you.
I worked at the church this morning, and during the afternoon on these days, I need my "rest time" more than anything. "Rest time" for us typically means that Luke takes a 3 hour nap (praise Jesus!) and Brooks goes in his room. Brooks doesn't nap a ton anymore but he knows he is supposed to be in his room and by some miracle of God, on most days, he actually does stay in his room for 2-3 hours. A lot of moms will gasp and say "Oh you're so lucky!" when they hear this but I will say, I worked really hard at it. This isn't something that happened overnight, and I believe kids can be trained to nap/rest like this. I also believe that most need it, and if they don't, well I do, so it's happening. When Brooks transitioned to a big bed from a crib there was a rough week in there when he realized he had more freedom, but I cracked the whip and reminded him that Mom goes bonkers if she doesn't get a mental break.
Why does mom need naptime? Well there are lots of reasons. There isn't one certain thing I do during naptime, but there are a few things I rotate between.....
1. Watch trashy television
Well I'm not sure if you could call 19 kids and counting trashy. It's pretty much amazing. The Duggers are wonderful people, and quite frankly, they are intoxicating. I don't know why, because I am not anything like them, but I find them fascinating, and when I lay in bed, and watch their children "court" potential lifelong mates and all they can do is give each other a SIDE HUG, things in the world seem like they might be ok. Then I typically follow that show up with the Real Housewives of whatever city and I'm back on planet earth. I don't know why I love these shows but I do. I also love Sister Wives, Preachers Daughters, and Southern Charm, Lord I need a life.
2. Make believe online shop
I love to put things in my online shopping bag and pretend that I am Kim Kardashian and I'm going to order them all. My favorite websites are
Lululemon - workout gear that costs one million dollars. I want to hate it but I can't and continue to buy leggings that must be made out of gold.
Anthropologie - I want to look like that cool, music festival, laid back hot mama but I think when I try it comes off as mostly homeless disheveled.
Forever21- Once I turned 30, it really became more embarrassing than ever to actually walk into the store, so I began to shop online at this store even more. The hard thing is sizing, if I actually do order something. Most of the time I need a double extra-large from this store and half the time the dresses are so short that I need to layer my one-million dollar workout leggings under them.
3. Take a nap myself
I haven't done this as much lately, especially now that Brooks doesn't nap, but sometimes, it just feels so decadent to pass out myself in the bright sunshine afternoon and get all drool-crusted. Whenever my husband and I nap together on the weekends I always want to explain that I don't do this everyday! Because seriously, I don't!
4. Lay in bed and stare at the ceiling
The last thing I like to do is actually what I probably do the most. Yesterday from 345-430 Brooks asked me, probably 1,345 times, what happens to ducks when they die. I MEAN SERIOUSLY. I tried everything - I answered the question logically (they go to heaven, you will see some ducks in heaven). I answered it with a question (Where do you think they go?). I answered it over. and over. and over. And then I wanted to bang my head against a brick wall. Being a mom in this stage is just hard. Their little brains are working so much to decipher all the new stuff that's thrown at them and it's so much responsibility to be responsible for these little developing brains, sometimes it just feels so right to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. Sometimes I daydream, sometimes I don't. Mostly I think about nothing, which I have learned since being married that men do A LOT. When Zac and I were first married, I would ask him allll the time, "What are you thinking?" I quickly learned, the answer is NOTHING allll the time. It used to make me really mad, and then I realized that men may be on to something (with this one thing).
So the moral of this story is that, I need at least one hour in the afternoon to not have to ponder where ducks go when they die, and I'm sorry if you ever come to my door and there is a curt note.
I decided to go with the tagline where I will ask a question to my readers that I have been legitamately pondering....today's question is:
If you had a choice to live the rest of your life on Mars (but you got to bring your family) or you had to be bald and gain 75 pounds you couldn't lose, which would you choose? DISCUSSSSSS
If you ring the doorbell, I will cut you.
Ya.....I did add a smiley face.
You see, my son Luke had been woken up twice. The first was when my other little boy, Brooks, and I were racing to his bedroom for his rest, and we were too loud. Luke started to cry and I immediately regretted our fit of giggles because I knew I was so close to that magical, sparkly afternoon "free time." But I got Luke settled down and breathed a sigh of relief as I went to make myself a grilled cheese. Then, the mailman came to the door. He brings up all of our packages and rings our doorbell and talks to me for 10 minutes about the Dolphins until he realizes I know absolutely nothing and then gets bored of me. Well, Mark the mailman knows that my monsters nap, but he forgot and rang the doorbell, and bless his heart was cringing by the time I opened the door because he knew what he had done! He was already muttering "I'm so sorry" and slinking away in a sad sort of moonwalk. I must be really scary in the afternoon. Nonetheless, Luke was awake again and another 20 minutes was shaved off of my beautiful, sparkly, afternoon alone time. So this time, when I emerged after getting Luke down a second time, I wrote a note. I was desperate, I was tired, and my grilled cheese was cold. So I wrote, If you ring the doorbell, I will cut you.
I worked at the church this morning, and during the afternoon on these days, I need my "rest time" more than anything. "Rest time" for us typically means that Luke takes a 3 hour nap (praise Jesus!) and Brooks goes in his room. Brooks doesn't nap a ton anymore but he knows he is supposed to be in his room and by some miracle of God, on most days, he actually does stay in his room for 2-3 hours. A lot of moms will gasp and say "Oh you're so lucky!" when they hear this but I will say, I worked really hard at it. This isn't something that happened overnight, and I believe kids can be trained to nap/rest like this. I also believe that most need it, and if they don't, well I do, so it's happening. When Brooks transitioned to a big bed from a crib there was a rough week in there when he realized he had more freedom, but I cracked the whip and reminded him that Mom goes bonkers if she doesn't get a mental break.
Why does mom need naptime? Well there are lots of reasons. There isn't one certain thing I do during naptime, but there are a few things I rotate between.....
1. Watch trashy television
Well I'm not sure if you could call 19 kids and counting trashy. It's pretty much amazing. The Duggers are wonderful people, and quite frankly, they are intoxicating. I don't know why, because I am not anything like them, but I find them fascinating, and when I lay in bed, and watch their children "court" potential lifelong mates and all they can do is give each other a SIDE HUG, things in the world seem like they might be ok. Then I typically follow that show up with the Real Housewives of whatever city and I'm back on planet earth. I don't know why I love these shows but I do. I also love Sister Wives, Preachers Daughters, and Southern Charm, Lord I need a life.
2. Make believe online shop
I love to put things in my online shopping bag and pretend that I am Kim Kardashian and I'm going to order them all. My favorite websites are
Lululemon - workout gear that costs one million dollars. I want to hate it but I can't and continue to buy leggings that must be made out of gold.
Anthropologie - I want to look like that cool, music festival, laid back hot mama but I think when I try it comes off as mostly homeless disheveled.
Forever21- Once I turned 30, it really became more embarrassing than ever to actually walk into the store, so I began to shop online at this store even more. The hard thing is sizing, if I actually do order something. Most of the time I need a double extra-large from this store and half the time the dresses are so short that I need to layer my one-million dollar workout leggings under them.
3. Take a nap myself
I haven't done this as much lately, especially now that Brooks doesn't nap, but sometimes, it just feels so decadent to pass out myself in the bright sunshine afternoon and get all drool-crusted. Whenever my husband and I nap together on the weekends I always want to explain that I don't do this everyday! Because seriously, I don't!
4. Lay in bed and stare at the ceiling
The last thing I like to do is actually what I probably do the most. Yesterday from 345-430 Brooks asked me, probably 1,345 times, what happens to ducks when they die. I MEAN SERIOUSLY. I tried everything - I answered the question logically (they go to heaven, you will see some ducks in heaven). I answered it with a question (Where do you think they go?). I answered it over. and over. and over. And then I wanted to bang my head against a brick wall. Being a mom in this stage is just hard. Their little brains are working so much to decipher all the new stuff that's thrown at them and it's so much responsibility to be responsible for these little developing brains, sometimes it just feels so right to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. Sometimes I daydream, sometimes I don't. Mostly I think about nothing, which I have learned since being married that men do A LOT. When Zac and I were first married, I would ask him allll the time, "What are you thinking?" I quickly learned, the answer is NOTHING allll the time. It used to make me really mad, and then I realized that men may be on to something (with this one thing).
So the moral of this story is that, I need at least one hour in the afternoon to not have to ponder where ducks go when they die, and I'm sorry if you ever come to my door and there is a curt note.
I decided to go with the tagline where I will ask a question to my readers that I have been legitamately pondering....today's question is:
If you had a choice to live the rest of your life on Mars (but you got to bring your family) or you had to be bald and gain 75 pounds you couldn't lose, which would you choose? DISCUSSSSSS
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Being a woman is hard work
One thing that might make it hard for me to blog a lot is when nothing really interesting happens to me so I just want to say that I'm very sorry, reader, if I ever get boring!
Following the fun Wednesday adventures of having our toilet removed from the wall, I guess God decided to give me a break and give me a fabulous Thursday and Friday. Thursday we just worked at the church in the morning and then I got to go to the outlets with my mom and my sister all afternoon! It was fabulous, is there anything better than girl time!? It's days like these I want a girl so bad. My mom and sister and I sat at the Cheesecake Factory giggling about girly things for a few hours and roamed in and out of stores and I wasn't looking at my watch because my babysitter was free, my husband! My mom bought me this adorable dress and I think I might wear it to Easter service tomorrow. I have to volunteer in the 1 year old room first though, and it is a lot of sitting down and getting up and down, so I tend to wear pants, but I'm anxious to wear this cute dress! It's still online at the jcrew factory site and on sale for $53! It runs big if you are going to splurge :)
Thankfully my husband is a saint and took the boys to Lion Country Safari on Friday, his day off. This place is pretty cool, and about 1 hour away from our house. You get to drive through a safari-like setting first and see all the animals, and then your ticket buys you entry into a fairly nice theme park with rides and a petting zoo. I have been a couple times with the boys and at the risk of sounding like a total Debbie Downer I would probably rather be sedated at the dentist. It's wonderful to see Brooks so happy but it's usually about 105 degrees in the shade and smells like animal poop everywhere.
Something about hot theme parks always seem to bring out the grumpy in me. Everyone around me suddenly seems way more trashy than me and I feel like I'm by far the classiest person in a 100-mile radius. Then, I realize I also stink and have huge pit stains and last time, I was still nursing so with the enormous leakage of breast milk all over my shirt, I realize I fit right in. And then I want to cry. It's usually about then that I see Brooks pet a goat and immediately lick his hand. They are good for about 2 hours and I feel proud of myself for taking them and then they have the most epic meltdowns as soon as we hit the car and I want to pass out. Why are kids always so naughty right after you have done something wonderful for them? I always end up repeatedly saying in my "you're in trouble" voice, "Fine then we won't go anywhere fun anymore because clearly you don't appreciate it!" Then I curse myself for the hour drive home that I should never take them anywhere because they are just as happy getting slurpees at 7-11. My husband's brain just doesn't seem to work like that so I guess I'll let him continue the solo safari trips....
He actually convinced another offense line assistant coach to accompany him, I am wondering if he bought him a case of Bud Light or just slightly drugged him and threw him in the car. I have to wonder what people thought about that crew about 2 large men and 2 small children walking around the Safari. Ben you're a saint for going along!
And after! Selfie in the car like the crazy mom that I am, because I knew within 10 minutes of being home someone was going to slime smushed banana in my hair. Isn't that crazy. I wasn't going to put these up because quite frankly it's embarrassing, but it also feels sort of liberating. Sort of like I'm one of those brave soldier moms who posts pictures of their 3-days postpartum belly to prove you really do still look pregnant afterwards.
After my haircut I went and took my little nugget Brooks for a haircut. He kept asking if I was getting my haircut too and I told him a couple times I had just gotten mine cut. Then he finally said, yea momma you did because it looks so smooth not crazy like a lion. Awesome.
Also, I just want all my readers to know I went ahead and ordered that leopard romper. I was feeling sassy and since it's from Forever21 it was $22.80. Here is a link in case you also feel like you might want to look like Nicole Richie in the 90s......
http://www.forever21.com/Product/Product.aspx?Br=F21&Category=Jumpsuit_Romper&ProductID=2000126382&VariantID=
I have no idea why I wanted that thing so bad but I did. I love the romper trend and think it is so cute. Sometimes I think they might make me look a little silly yet I continue to get them.
We are heading out tonight to a Miami Marlins vs. Seattle Mariners baseball game. I am excited! One of my best friends, Camden, who I met while attending grad school at Nebraska, now works at the Mariners and always completely spoils my boys with neat Mariners stuff. Brooks has a really cool mini baseball bat, tons of Mariners clothes, and she just mailed them hats for this game. We decided to drop Luke off at my moms because he is by far the more difficult one at stuff like this, and Brooks will actually probably sit and watch it. Even last football season he was very interested in the games and if it weren't for crazy Luke I could have easily watched every game with him in the stands and he would watch the whole thing (and only ask me for fruit snacks about 21 times).
Finally, I'm working on a good tag line that I can end my blogs with. I always drone on I think, because I'm not sure how to wrap the darn thing up. So I'm going to try on a few for size here today.....see which one fits?
Talk to you soon, dear readers!
Good night, Miami (this one is dumb because we actually live in Weston on the Everglades. Good night swamps?)
Would it be fun to sound off with an important life question to keep readers thinking - i.e. Has Britney Spears completely recovered or will we see another breakdown from her?
Flabby and Fabulous, Sarah
Which one do you like?
Following the fun Wednesday adventures of having our toilet removed from the wall, I guess God decided to give me a break and give me a fabulous Thursday and Friday. Thursday we just worked at the church in the morning and then I got to go to the outlets with my mom and my sister all afternoon! It was fabulous, is there anything better than girl time!? It's days like these I want a girl so bad. My mom and sister and I sat at the Cheesecake Factory giggling about girly things for a few hours and roamed in and out of stores and I wasn't looking at my watch because my babysitter was free, my husband! My mom bought me this adorable dress and I think I might wear it to Easter service tomorrow. I have to volunteer in the 1 year old room first though, and it is a lot of sitting down and getting up and down, so I tend to wear pants, but I'm anxious to wear this cute dress! It's still online at the jcrew factory site and on sale for $53! It runs big if you are going to splurge :)
Thankfully my husband is a saint and took the boys to Lion Country Safari on Friday, his day off. This place is pretty cool, and about 1 hour away from our house. You get to drive through a safari-like setting first and see all the animals, and then your ticket buys you entry into a fairly nice theme park with rides and a petting zoo. I have been a couple times with the boys and at the risk of sounding like a total Debbie Downer I would probably rather be sedated at the dentist. It's wonderful to see Brooks so happy but it's usually about 105 degrees in the shade and smells like animal poop everywhere.
Something about hot theme parks always seem to bring out the grumpy in me. Everyone around me suddenly seems way more trashy than me and I feel like I'm by far the classiest person in a 100-mile radius. Then, I realize I also stink and have huge pit stains and last time, I was still nursing so with the enormous leakage of breast milk all over my shirt, I realize I fit right in. And then I want to cry. It's usually about then that I see Brooks pet a goat and immediately lick his hand. They are good for about 2 hours and I feel proud of myself for taking them and then they have the most epic meltdowns as soon as we hit the car and I want to pass out. Why are kids always so naughty right after you have done something wonderful for them? I always end up repeatedly saying in my "you're in trouble" voice, "Fine then we won't go anywhere fun anymore because clearly you don't appreciate it!" Then I curse myself for the hour drive home that I should never take them anywhere because they are just as happy getting slurpees at 7-11. My husband's brain just doesn't seem to work like that so I guess I'll let him continue the solo safari trips....
While the boys were away, this momma go to play. I get my hair done about every 4-5 months but I think I'm finally going to have to give in and start going every 8-10 weeks. My hair is getting darker and when the roots come in I get depressed because I can then see light hairs within my dark hairs and they are not highlights - they are grays. Yes I have plucked about 5 grays and subsequently cried myself to sleep.
Between that and the deepening line between my eyebrows I just want to curl into a ball and pretend I'm 28 again. If you are anywhere from 21-29 enjoy this time!! These are the best years of your life as far as your body and it's just going SWIFTLY downhill from here. Heck, if you're alone, go look at yourself naked in the mirror. Yes, now. Remember this day. It's a good day. You know when your car works great for like 4 years in a row and you start to even maybe feel a little over-confident about how you never have to go get it fixed? This is what it's like to turn 29. At first it's just replacing a tire or two, then all of a sudden the mechanic is talking to you about replacing parts you didn't even know existed and all of a sudden your car is so broken down and your savings is gone. That is what is happening to my 30-something body. If I even look at a donut my bottom grows. I hadn't had a donut in months and the other day in the grocery store, something came over me that was literally uncontrollable and I ate 3 krispy kremes walking around the store. There's something very ironic about buying organic lettuce while shoving donuts in your face. During this donut show down, a middle aged man approached me and said, "boy you have a healthy appetite, I have been watching you." OH DEAR GOD is anyone listening or around me! Then he just awkwardly lingered while I wiped icing on my workout pants. I still don't know if that was a pick up line or what. Either way, I had to eat nothing but cucumbers and stone ground mustard for a week to work off that donut binge because I'm 30 and times are rough. Just kidding, I wish I had that discipline but I don't.
Anywho, There is almost no cuter look then when you're at the salon about to get your hair done. I have usually let mine get so bad and the roots so grown out that everyone looks at me sympathetically when I walk in like I'm a charity case who won the highlights at the school festival. Here are a few pictures of myself in the chair before and during.
And after! Selfie in the car like the crazy mom that I am, because I knew within 10 minutes of being home someone was going to slime smushed banana in my hair. Isn't that crazy. I wasn't going to put these up because quite frankly it's embarrassing, but it also feels sort of liberating. Sort of like I'm one of those brave soldier moms who posts pictures of their 3-days postpartum belly to prove you really do still look pregnant afterwards.
Right after I took that creepy selfie of myself in the car and immediately whiplashed my neck looking around making sure nobody saw me being that lame, I saw this lady outside of the salon across the street. I couldn't help myself, I had to take a picture.
When I have the head full of foils I want to melt into the ground and keep looking in the mirror thinking, wow I would look really terrible bald. I would never leave the salon and walk out into real life where people can see me! It was sort of gloomy yesterday and all I could think about was what if it started to lightening!? Girlfriend would be set into a blaze of fire. Also, she is lighting up a cigarette. omgeeee I can't decide if I want to be this lady's friend because she's so ridiculous or if I want to save her actual friend next to her.
Also, I just want all my readers to know I went ahead and ordered that leopard romper. I was feeling sassy and since it's from Forever21 it was $22.80. Here is a link in case you also feel like you might want to look like Nicole Richie in the 90s......
http://www.forever21.com/Product/Product.aspx?Br=F21&Category=Jumpsuit_Romper&ProductID=2000126382&VariantID=
I have no idea why I wanted that thing so bad but I did. I love the romper trend and think it is so cute. Sometimes I think they might make me look a little silly yet I continue to get them.
We are heading out tonight to a Miami Marlins vs. Seattle Mariners baseball game. I am excited! One of my best friends, Camden, who I met while attending grad school at Nebraska, now works at the Mariners and always completely spoils my boys with neat Mariners stuff. Brooks has a really cool mini baseball bat, tons of Mariners clothes, and she just mailed them hats for this game. We decided to drop Luke off at my moms because he is by far the more difficult one at stuff like this, and Brooks will actually probably sit and watch it. Even last football season he was very interested in the games and if it weren't for crazy Luke I could have easily watched every game with him in the stands and he would watch the whole thing (and only ask me for fruit snacks about 21 times).
Finally, I'm working on a good tag line that I can end my blogs with. I always drone on I think, because I'm not sure how to wrap the darn thing up. So I'm going to try on a few for size here today.....see which one fits?
Talk to you soon, dear readers!
Good night, Miami (this one is dumb because we actually live in Weston on the Everglades. Good night swamps?)
Would it be fun to sound off with an important life question to keep readers thinking - i.e. Has Britney Spears completely recovered or will we see another breakdown from her?
Flabby and Fabulous, Sarah
Which one do you like?
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Back at it
A friend came up to me at the YMCA the other day and said, "friend why don't you blog more, I miss reading it!" It was so nice and I need these little pick me ups just like anyone else, and I thought, gosh I really need to start again. So when we were chatting I explained to her that usually just have an hour break in the day when my kids might overlap on their afternoon rests, and to be completely honest, while I could probably work on a novel every day, I either stare at the wall, do laundry, eat a sandwich or watch the Real Housewives or the Duggers. I'm not proud of it but that is the truth. She went on to explain that she so enjoyed my blog that she would literally read about what I do in my daily boring life because it's entertaining to her. She's so sweet! And since I find the practice of writing and getting my thoughts "pen to paper"to be very cathartic for me and my stay-at-home mom brain, I thought, I can do that, get back to every day posts, even if they are short. THAT WAS 2 MONTHS AGO!
Gah, really I always intend to blog and something always seems to come up. Currently I am blogging alongside my coworker for today, Matthew. Matthew is a plumber and he is currently working on our master toilet. Buckle yourselves in and get a coffee because this is a fun story. We have Matthew here today because while I was cooking dinner recently my 3 and 1 year old little boys played one of their favorite games, stick an entire roll of toilet paper in the toilet and keep flushing it. It was the classic "it's been silent too long," scenario, and when I ran into our room and heard giggles and rushing water, I braced myself for the fun. It wasn't too bad that day since nobody had pooped but it also wasn't any fun. While my chicken burned I cleaned up the insane mess and I was so mad I honestly didn't pay attention to where the kids were. I figured they were either mopping up alongside me or watching me and feeling terribly, horribly guilty about their actions. I was very, very wrong.
Again, the silence presented itself and then, a loud cry from the younger of the two crazy humans that I call my children. My older little boy Brooks recently learned how to lock doors and I will just say right now this is going to get him into trouble more than once. He and the younger brother had been playing in the baby's room and he thought it would be super fun to leave the baby in his room, lock the door and run out. So after mopping up the toilet explosion I walking out to the smell of burning dinner, and my baby screaming in a locked bedroom with my 3 year old outside the door yelling to him "It'll be ok Luke, you're just locked in.....sorry!" *This is why I buy boxed wine.
So there is a little metal hook we have that is for opening the doors in our house when they are locked and it's really not that hard. However, between scolding my 3 year old for being so naughty and purposely trying to scare him a little about what he had done in hopes that he doesn't do it again, and my baby screaming and growing more frantic, my whole body was covered in sweat and it took me long enough to open the door that I texted my husband "CALL ME EMERGENCY," and I am not gonna lie, I was about 3 minutes away from calling 911. (I have called 911 before. I'm sure our neighbors think our house is just a box of crazy. I thought my 1 year old had swallowed a dime, they came, he was smiling and laughing and fine. I still wasn't convinced and took him to the emergency room and even got x-rays. Lots of monies and time later, the kid is fine. We even met a very sweet little girl who swallowed a barbie shoe, so if I ever have a girl, I know what to fear.)
Finally I popped the lock and luckily my 1 year old was just sitting on the floor looking very sad, not inspecting the plugs in the room. So, this is my week, locked bedrooms and plumbers and loads of fun. To add the mania, my husband hasn't been around this week because he was asked to speak to season ticket holders on Monday and had to travel for a pro Day Tuesday and Wednesday, so I get to do all this glamorous stuff by myself.
This is my super cute husband explaining candy cane routes to all the Dolphins ticket holders. Or something. I could probably use a few lessons. He's lucky he's cute because I can barely ever stay mad at him for missing all the car toilet drama, once he gets home he always fools me with his hunkyness and axe spray, yum!
So, friends, this is my life. I am sitting here in my workout clothes from this morning, I am gross and sweaty, and I'm considering the rare afternoon cup of coffee because when Matt the plumber is done and my kids wake up we really need to go to Wal Mart for solo cups, trash bags and laundry detergent.
Update, my 1 year old woke up from his nap screaming and I need to go get him but I'm trying to finish this blog because he will probably turn off the computer below me while I'm blogging and I'll lose it all and cry. Also, Matthew the plumber has found 1 car in the toilet so far while snaking it and says that he can tell there are so many more toys in there he is going to have to remove the toilet to get them out and reattach the toilet to the wall. This will cost $250 so that leapord romper I really want from Forever21 is going to have to wait and it will probably sell out and all my dreams of looking effortlessly fabulous in said romper are being flushed down the drain. Or our clogged toilet. UGH!
Update number 2: both children awake and a car and a train were found in the toilet. These are pictures of my super glamorous life so you can be jealous.
The last picture is the 3 year old getting lectures on the whole "toys down the toilet, mommy doesn't get her leopard romper," thing. I actually think it was the baby though because he is crazy about his cars and I am pretty sure he would have acted like a lunatic if one went down the toilet. So I'll have to have a separate lecture with that kid. They are currently eating microwavable macaroni and organic grapes in the kitchen while I finish this blog so I better go before there are more toys in toilets and locked doors. I'm really going to try to be better about blogging, stay tuned and check back in for more chapters in Sarah's glamorous life.
Gah, really I always intend to blog and something always seems to come up. Currently I am blogging alongside my coworker for today, Matthew. Matthew is a plumber and he is currently working on our master toilet. Buckle yourselves in and get a coffee because this is a fun story. We have Matthew here today because while I was cooking dinner recently my 3 and 1 year old little boys played one of their favorite games, stick an entire roll of toilet paper in the toilet and keep flushing it. It was the classic "it's been silent too long," scenario, and when I ran into our room and heard giggles and rushing water, I braced myself for the fun. It wasn't too bad that day since nobody had pooped but it also wasn't any fun. While my chicken burned I cleaned up the insane mess and I was so mad I honestly didn't pay attention to where the kids were. I figured they were either mopping up alongside me or watching me and feeling terribly, horribly guilty about their actions. I was very, very wrong.
Again, the silence presented itself and then, a loud cry from the younger of the two crazy humans that I call my children. My older little boy Brooks recently learned how to lock doors and I will just say right now this is going to get him into trouble more than once. He and the younger brother had been playing in the baby's room and he thought it would be super fun to leave the baby in his room, lock the door and run out. So after mopping up the toilet explosion I walking out to the smell of burning dinner, and my baby screaming in a locked bedroom with my 3 year old outside the door yelling to him "It'll be ok Luke, you're just locked in.....sorry!" *This is why I buy boxed wine.
So there is a little metal hook we have that is for opening the doors in our house when they are locked and it's really not that hard. However, between scolding my 3 year old for being so naughty and purposely trying to scare him a little about what he had done in hopes that he doesn't do it again, and my baby screaming and growing more frantic, my whole body was covered in sweat and it took me long enough to open the door that I texted my husband "CALL ME EMERGENCY," and I am not gonna lie, I was about 3 minutes away from calling 911. (I have called 911 before. I'm sure our neighbors think our house is just a box of crazy. I thought my 1 year old had swallowed a dime, they came, he was smiling and laughing and fine. I still wasn't convinced and took him to the emergency room and even got x-rays. Lots of monies and time later, the kid is fine. We even met a very sweet little girl who swallowed a barbie shoe, so if I ever have a girl, I know what to fear.)
Finally I popped the lock and luckily my 1 year old was just sitting on the floor looking very sad, not inspecting the plugs in the room. So, this is my week, locked bedrooms and plumbers and loads of fun. To add the mania, my husband hasn't been around this week because he was asked to speak to season ticket holders on Monday and had to travel for a pro Day Tuesday and Wednesday, so I get to do all this glamorous stuff by myself.
So, friends, this is my life. I am sitting here in my workout clothes from this morning, I am gross and sweaty, and I'm considering the rare afternoon cup of coffee because when Matt the plumber is done and my kids wake up we really need to go to Wal Mart for solo cups, trash bags and laundry detergent.
Update, my 1 year old woke up from his nap screaming and I need to go get him but I'm trying to finish this blog because he will probably turn off the computer below me while I'm blogging and I'll lose it all and cry. Also, Matthew the plumber has found 1 car in the toilet so far while snaking it and says that he can tell there are so many more toys in there he is going to have to remove the toilet to get them out and reattach the toilet to the wall. This will cost $250 so that leapord romper I really want from Forever21 is going to have to wait and it will probably sell out and all my dreams of looking effortlessly fabulous in said romper are being flushed down the drain. Or our clogged toilet. UGH!
Update number 2: both children awake and a car and a train were found in the toilet. These are pictures of my super glamorous life so you can be jealous.
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