MAN HANDS

Yes, I believe it’s time to get real and talk about my man hands.

I think I mentioned this before, but we are on a very strict budget. I will buy the store brand cereal and turn lights off throughout the day to make sure I have the money for certain things. And those certain things are: Target, yellowtail wine and family pictures. I looove pictures. I love the random candids that prove we are hilariously imperfect. And I love the professional pictures that we take that make us look like the beautiful family I certainly have in my mind.

We had the honor of having Sarah Giles of Butterfly Chaser Photography take these pictures a few weeks ago in downtown Bryan. (if you live in Bryan/College Station and she isn’t taking your pictures you need to get with her stat!) They are wonderful because she uses a tool called photoshop to make us look a whole lot better than we actually look in person. If you were to see me right this second you might argue that’s not me. I have on Mossimo leggings that have lint all over them and they are cutting right into my mom lower belly. I have on a long gray shirt that used to have a tie at the waist but I lost it so the tshirt scrunches in all the wrong places. And I smell like Chinese food even though I ate chicken and a sweet potato for dinner.

So I was ecstatic to say the least when I got these pictures but I did have one hold up (that I will say, Sarah could not have done anything about!) I couldn’t stop looking at one thing-MY MAN HANDS. I have had man hands for as long as I can remember. Have you scrolled back up to the picture yet? They are enormous. What’s possibly most unfortunately is that they’re directly next to my husband, who is a pretty big guy, and almost the exact same size, and next to a baby, which just exacerbates their size. I’m a fairly average size girl, 5’5”, 1hundredsomethingdifferent every day pounds, but one thing that I’ve always had is the man hands.

When I shake someone’s hand, they often comment, wow nice handshake. I do have a firm grip, but it also helps that I have the hands of Arnold Schwarzenegger and they’ve just completely enveloped said other man’s hand. Mittens never fit.

When I was pregnant, I had to go to TJ maxx and get a ring to wear the last few months because not only did I have man hands, but they swelled to a size bagillion and you could barely see the diamond on my ring anymore because the fat was overflowing sucking it down.

However, once in a blue moon the man hands do come in handy. Last summer I picked up a tarantula with my bare hands at a party at my house and threw it over the fence. Everyone was blown away by my bravery but I knew that I was holding it with my thumb and forefinger and it was practically the state of Texas between me and getting bitten. I can typically get in all my grocery bags in one trip because my man hands can grab about 5 plastic bags in each hand. I give a mean back massage because it’s like having double the hands. But just when I feel I will be able to use my man hands for only good in this world, I get a beautiful family picture back and there they are, haunting me!

On a side note, I want to talk about what happens when mommy gets lazy. We seem to have a crazy amount of laundry lately and I can’t figure out why. Zac and I both try to work out regularly but haven’t increased our work outs, just not sure, but I was doing about 4 loads the other day and trying to move quickly when I opened up the washing machine to pure disaster. I had washed a pee diaper in the wash! Our clothes had gone through an entire cycle, spinning around in soap and pee, and the gel that keeps the pee in diapers was E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. Seriously it was like someone took a gel hose and sprayed it in every shirt pocket. So tip to all you moms out there, don’t just check your hubbie’s jeans pockets for money (I still haven’t found any….), also check those piles for a diaper!
Here are a few things that I have been thinking about lately:
I can resist regular candy much easier than I can resist holiday candy. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good Dove chocolate any day of the year. But if they put Reeses peanut butter into a Christmas tree or an Easter egg shape, I am going to buy them, and I’m going to buy them in bulk.
I cannot find the perfect toilet paper. We had one of Zac’s very sweet friends Brett Baptist visit two years ago and he remarked on emergence from our guest bathroom, “Where did you get this toilet paper, Prison?” I believe I was in a cheap “household items” stage, possibly even a Dollar Tree household items stage. Since then I’ve been on a mission to find that perfect softness but I can’t. It’s either too soft, and falls apart in my hands, or Prison paper. I spent about 15 minutes in the toilet paper isle on Wednesday at HEB (our grocery store) and was even reading the back of the toilet paper packages for information. This has gotten out of control but the worst part is, I remember an experience I had in a country club last year with the perfect toilet paper, and I can’t get it out of my head!
Is there anything better than when your baby is laughing so hard he (or she) farts?