Happy Balentimes

It's Valentine's Day! I am all alone. Waaah. My hunky husband is in Florida, already at work at his new job with the Miami Dolphins. Brooks and I are here in Texas until we move March 1. So I'm having a little pity party.

However, don't you think for one second I'll be home watching the Notebook alone bawling. No, I took care of that last night. I made plans with another coach's wife, Amanda, to go out for dinner at one of the fanciest restaurants in town. Her hubby is gone too so we are going to go paint the town red just ladies.

I find it very hard to be away from my hubby. I would never have thought I would be saying this 5 or 6 years ago when I thought I was so independent, but I love being married and my cute hubby just makes life a little bit more bubbly and fun. Additionally, it is frightening how my hygiene makes a dramatic drop when my hubby isn't around. I'm kind of lazy in this department anyway, as evidenced by my last blog when I pleaded to everyone to stop waxing their bods. However, what little I do to keep the husband happy immediately stops when he's out of town.

I truly can't even tell you when I last shaved my legs. It's pretty gross and there is really no excuse for it, I am just lazy, and with nobody to notice, I go amazon woman. I'm sorry but when it's choosing between House Hunters International, Dove Chocolates and my Instyle or Shaving my legs, I think we know what I'm going to choose. There is only so much downtime in the life of the single mommy and I'm not spending it shaving my legs so the other moms at the gym aren't disgusted with me. They're probably already judging me because of my body odor and shirt that has baby throw up on it. I'm not winning any cute gym rat awards so why bother?

On the subject of body odor, I worry I have a problem. A sweating problem. It all began in college when I found this gray v-neck shirt at the Gap. The shirt made me invincible. Despite my 40 lb freshman year gain (I know. It's gross. That's for another day, another blog. I loved dorm food what can I say), this gray shirt made me look like Heidi Klum. Correction-it made me FEEL like I looked like Heidi Klum. In retrospect I looked like Heidi Klum directly after labor, but at that time I remember thinking I was hot stuff. So there I was at the Gap, exhilarated because I had found what I knew would be my go-to shirt to feel and look great. What I didn't realize at that time was that my sweating problem was going to stand in the way of me looking like a supermodel all day long.

Days later, when I finally got the chance to wear the shirt when invited to a party, I laid down to put on my jeans (this was a year when I had to lay down to put on all jeans. this allowed me to deny that I had gained 40 pounds) and threw on my Heidi Klum v-neck. I sauntered out of those dorms like a new woman. I owned the night. 2 hours later, I laughed nervously talking to some new friends. The party was crowded and I knew I was sweating. So I made a quick beeline for the overcrowded, disgusting bathroom to check myself. Well, much to my shock and dismay, I had pit stains the size of Africa. No joke, they went all the way to the edge of my boobs and down the short sleeve shirt. I had just spent 20 minutes talking to a boy that looked like Gerard Butler (beer goggles), who was probably just betting with his friends how big my pit stains were going to travel.

I went into panic mode, searching the bathroom for something I could wear out of the party for my sprint back to the dorms. All I could find was a gross bathrobe for whom I did not know the owner. On that note, I have never been a fan of men in bathrobes. Something a little too Hugh Hefner for me about it. I had no option but to throw my hands under my armpits in a frustrated stance, and run as fast as I could back to tiny dorm cell I lived in to cry myself to sleep. When I got home, I wept hard, both for my sweat problem I didn't know how I was going to conquer, and for my beautiful, perfect v-neck shirt that supermodel-ed my body.

I've since researched many options for all the sweaty people out there. There's botox for your arm pits, which stops the sweat altogether. Um, so where does it go? Will this make my face sweaty? No thanks. Also, needles in my arm pit? I guess I don't need my supermodel shirt that bad. There's also heavy duty deodorant, and since college, they have come out with many more options. Most have disclaimers on the back saying they're made with ingredients like metal and chlorine and they can't promise it won't harm your brain or a growing fetus inside of you should you have one. That's not very comforting, and a pretty big risk to take just so I don't get pit stains. So I have just given in. I'm a sweater and that's me, take it or leave it.

I currently live in Texas and I'm about to move to Miami, so God's not giving me any free passes with locations. This past summer in College Station we had a record number of 100 degree days. I have a little boy so between him wanting to be outside and me going stir crazy if we didn't get outside, we just sucked it up and sweated our buns off all summer. I pretty much had a constant upper lip dotted with sweat. And if you read my last blog, you know it was a mustache dotted with sweat.