Gas Station Chicken

My hubby Zac will be off of work for an entire week starting tonight! This is very exciting. He works a lot of hours as a football coach, often times even on weekends, so there isn't a lot of family time and I really try to cherish what we have. I love our little family. One thing we have been discussing lately is the possibility of having another bambino. As crazy as it seems to have another, I really didn't enjoy being pregnant and I'm afraid if I wait too long in between I'll get very comfortable with the idea of just the 1 bambino and not ever have any more!

Nothing was worse than all the people that came up to me, begging me to regale them with stories of how glorious my pregnancy was. Um, glorious? I started to waddle at week 22 and people started asking me if I was due "any day" at week 30. Shaving my legs was like watching an elephant balancing on a bosu ball by my second trimester. I am not kidding and just so you know I wasn't one of those annoying people who claims they got large but didn't, I'm including photographic evidence.

Dear God I'd forgotten.

So despite my not-love-of-pregnacy, we do want maybe 3 or 4 kiddos, so of course when it's on your brain that it may be in your future, you begin to notice other pregnant celebrities and such.

Now since I was enormous during my pregnancy I am allowed to say this: what on earth has happened to Jessica Simpson? She is pregnant and looks like I looked and felt, like I swallowed a hot air balloon and was on the constant verge of a fart. I mean, I love her! I used to watch Newleyweds in college and my roommate Jenny even got me the DVD one year for my birthday. Who knew they would be split up years later so sad. But seriously, the woman must be carrying 3 or 4 kids in there. (Speaking of multiples whatever happened to that wackadoo who got implanted with like 7 kids? She kind of fell off the planet, huh?)
But I do think she is beautiful and also hilarious, she has a tendency to say things that are totally innapropriate like I do and People magazine recently released an article of all the funniest quotes she has said during her pregnancy. She is spot on...so I decided to comment on a few of her hilarious quotes.

(In case you want to share the hilarious link of Jessica's quotes)http://www.people.com/people/celebritybabies/gallery/0,,20579224,00.html

1. "I am definitely feeling 'intimate.' I'm kind of unstoppable at the moment! Like the big 'O' is like the biggest 'O' ever."
– Jessica Simpson, on her sex life with fiancé Eric Johnson, to Ryan Seacrest

I can't discuss this one long because I have a husband who is very private and I want him to talk to me this week when he's off. However, I will say, pregnancy did make me want to make out all the time, the only problem was, I was so big at the end, I'm sure I looked like a hungry gorilla coming towards my husband, the poor guy! Hormones are a nasty little spinster, coming at you and making you want to smush as they say in the Jersey Shore when you are at your least cute.

2. "I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo-ha."
– on carrying her baby girl, to Jimmy Kimmel

Oh yes, I definitely remember this feeling. I did a Body Pump weighlifting class far into my pregnancy and towards the ends during squats I felt like I needed to peer down there and make sure the baby wasn't half out. I was also like 4 centimeters dialated from week 32 on because I went into pre-term labor, so I guess I was walking around for 5 weeks (gave birth at week 37) with an open vajayjay and Brooks hand out waving. Classy.

3. "I just started calling myself 'Swamp A–.' Like, I have swamp a– right now. I had major swamp a– because I was wearing these Spanx to hold in my gut … It's like the bayou up in that region."
– on her new nickname, to The Tonight Show's Jay Leno

Yes, yes, yes again. She is really not afraid to tell it like it is. If you don't know what that is, it's when the area around your bum gets very...humid. I was living in Texas when I was pregnant so I was pretty much hot for the last 3 months. I remember very, very strongly considering not wearing underwear one day when I had a dress on when I was going to run to Target, it just sounded so appealing, luckily something in me had the common sense to stop that train wreck before it derailed.

4. "I'm a free-spirited girl, but giving up my scotch? My Macallan 18? That was hard for me!"
– on going alcohol-free, to Elle magazine

I am a glass of red wine a few nights a week girl. Or a bottle once a week. Somehow a bottle of yellowtail dissapears in my house once a week just a matter of how I get there. I call it my "heart medicine," since obviously I am just doing it for the antioxidants. So yes, it was very hard to watch everyone else enjoy their cocktails and float on clouds all weekend. I replaced mine with a very habit forming mcflurry run, which is misleading because I would get a mcflurry but also an ice cream cone, and eat the ice cream cone on the way home and tell my husband I just got a mcflurry. The people at the mcondalds by our house knew my order....

5. "There is only one, believe it or not. I did get knocked up by a baller. A big football player."
– on whether she's having twins, to Ellen DeGeneres

If there is one thing you should not say to a pregnant woman, it is "Are you sure you aren't having twins," followed by a creepy chuckle. Yes, I'm sure, and I'm going to punch you in the throat if you don't leave my area. The only things that should ever be said to a pregnant lady are the following:
Do you want a foot massage?
Oh my gosh you look so skinny are you going anorexic?
Can I get you a mcflurry and an ice cream cone and not tell anyone about the cone?

6. "The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!"
– on a Twitter post about the average person passing gas 15 times a day  

I made a very grave mistake one day pregnant. It was one of those split-minute decisions you end up regretting for weeks, maybe even months. It haunts you at night, you wake up in a cold sweat, having dreamt about it, then wake up and realizing it was a recurring dream but it really did happen. You must live with it and the reprecussions. I ate gas station food. And no, I don't mean a granola bar that's been there since 2002. I meant HOT GAS STATION FOOD. And what followed was a punishment that exceeded the crime. It was on the way home from a drive to meet a doula, and I was famished. For the first 10 minutes she talked about how important it is to nourish the baby with healthy foods, so of course I ordered the veggie sub at subway, embarrased that I wanted a footlong meatball with extra salami. No way lady you aren't catching me in the act here. So on the drive home, I stopped at the first gas station I found, and something caught my eye in the corner. A huge chicken, an entire bird, glistened as it spun in huge circles, roasting and waiting for me. I didn't know how I was going to remove it from it's cage, or how I was going to eat it in the car. But I knew that little birdy was mine. On the drive home, I could barely drive because my hands were so slippery from chicken grease. But I plowed forward, because all evidence had to be destroyed. As far as I was concerned, the only people that knew that I didn't just have a veggie sub for dinner were me and Chuck at the gas station off the highway from Navasota. Let me just tell you, it was delicious, but it was NOT worth it.

Well, despite remembering all the gory details of pregnancy, this little nugget below made it pretty worth it. I look forward to all the future adventures in the Taylor family. It's been an awesome ride so far!