Going for Gold

Aaaah the Olympics. You are literally made of stone if you don't get shed a tear or at least get a little mushy watching the Olympics. I take the cake by sobbing uncontrollably in my bed alone every night watching. It's not just the pride for our country either. I cry for other people too. Oh poor Russian girl just looked like an idiot on vault? Sob fest. Poor girl has been working out for like 17 1/2 of her 18 years and has only eaten steel cut oatmeal for the past 36 months. Someone get her a snickers bar and a hug before I go into convulsions. One could say that I am completely unstable watching the Olympics....they would be right.

It all started with the commercials. Months ago Olympic promotions began to display short background stories of athletes, and I got sucked in from the beginning, misting up even at the commercials. Morgan Freeman talking in the background about the guy from Ghana who has been running his whole life from child slavery and now will run for his country, I mean really, if you aren't sobbing now, you are literally ice cold.

I love sports, even though I'm not so much "an athlete" myself. I played various sports like softball and basketball (the lesbian ones, dainty I was NOT) through 8th grade, when they began to cut people. This stopped my athletic days right in their tracks. Then I heard of a little thing called cross country. You don't get cut, you tell me? It's for the coolest of the not cool people, I hear? We just run around in cute outfits and chat with each other? On Fridays before meets we get to do ice cream runs? It's like they made this sport for me. Even though I am not athletic myself though, I just love watching, enjoying, and even (embarrassingly) playing sports. I have grown up around it with a dad as a football coach and somehow found myself staring down the barrel of another 40 years of it by marrying a football coach and having (at least) 2 boys.

A big part of why the Olympics hit home for me is because these people have literally dedicated their lives to these moments. I can't even take a nap on the couch without my right leg falling asleep, so ya, I think it's pretty amazing that this poor little guy from Russia has been training since he was 2 years old and hasn't eaten any kind of fat for a decade. Again, I get annoyed when I am at the front of the grocery and realize I forgot milk and have to go back, and I get winded putting my son in his car seat (every time...). These people are in the best shape and are on the highest stage, it's magnetic and electrifying to watch!

Some of the things that I have found most impressive so far really circle around gymnastics. I spent a nerve wracking hour watching the men on the parallel bars, I didn't even know this was one of the events. They just swing around and land on their forearms?! This is a horrible idea, stop this now.  Um the vault. Seriously. It takes me 20 minutes of thinking about it and all my physical strength to get out of bed if I'm in a flat position. I have to do a special roll and tuck now that my belly has grown to massive proportions. And this person is getting criticized because they didn't get high enough? Pretty sure that chic was hanging out in the rafters so you can bite me mean announcer lady.

Speaking of mean announcer lady. The announcers. First, I would like to know more about your background, each negative person, because unless you are like a gold medal winner, you really need to take it easier on these people. I watched a floor routine that I for one was pretty impressed by, and this lady deducted points throughout, but didn't explain why. Um, sorry I'm not a gymnastics expert, but that was a great tumble and I have no idea why you keep saying "that's a point right there." Please explain yourself. Or at least have a little side area of the television reserved for explanations for the "idiots watching the Olympics who are super into it but have no clue what is going on."

Ok as you can tell I'm an equal opportunist and love all the athletes. However, in watching these Olympics, I really have an innate feeling that it's between us and the Chinese and I have no idea why. Is this just because they have been installed in me as villains? Am I just jealous of the dragons on their uniforms (oh my gosh, cool)? I can't pinpoint it but every time I see one on tv I want to trip them, or at least beat them in everything. (I wrote this last week and I was spot on with my instincts, they're the only country beating us in medals!!! We must beat the Chinese!!)

One thing I think is really hard to tell on television is the speed of the Track and Field stars. Since they're running in a pack it's hard to get through your mind that they are running 3:30 minute miles. I think for every Track and Field race they should throw in a decently in shape civilian, just so we have something to compare their speed to. I will happily volunteer. Would it be a bad idea to have 6 oatmeal chocolate chip cookies the night before a race? Because that's kinda my nightly routine now.

To round out my Olympic jibber jabber I would like to close the blog with open discussion of the outfits, mostly gymnastics. Oh it's just me on here. Ok I'll go.
Gymnastics-Yowza. So glad that I do not have to wear this outfit. Then again I am not a 4 foot 11 inch little pistol of muscle, but that little number actually gives me nightmares. 
Beach Volleyball-Am I the only one who wonders if there is just sand all up in the pikachu? The other night they were wearing leggings instead of the bikini. Maybe the chaffing has just finally worn them down.
Swimming-These.suits.are.not.flattering. These women are just so crazy in shape, but these suits make their shoulders look like a 280 lb linebacker. I know that swimmers may somewhat this shape anyway, but it seems like these suits just make it worse?! Can't a girl swimmer get a halter up in here? Does the swim cap REALLY make that big of a difference!? Because it is not cute. I would finish my swim and yank that thing off so fast, I would consider swimming underwater and not coming up until I was without my cap on. I would not be concerned about my time, but if I had "swimmer cap hair" (it's a thing.) And this, and many other reasons, is why I am not an Olympic swimmer....