Some things I have been pondering

I'm trying to get better about blogging more often, I love sitting down to get my "adult fix" and I love to write so this is such a great outlet for me. So instead of trying to make sure each blog has a funny subject I'm going to let myself do a weekly "Things I've been pondering." Because I just know you're all dying to know......

1. Amanda Bynes got earrings in her cheeks. This is not good. Poor baby girl has been on a downward spiral for some time now, but this is a new low. If you're like me you remember this sweet girl who was on Nickelodeon's "All That," she was hilarious! Now....oh man, we have all made bad decisions (one of my worst was circa 2005 dying my hair jet black, yikes!) but this is deperessing.

I don't know how this happens. I can see the tattoo thing. Not for me but I could see it. I am one of those people who acts way too much on impulse so I would probably end up getting a tattoo of a huge sprinkled donut on my forearm donut during a no-carb dieting phase because it was all I could think of. But how does one wake up in the morning and think, ya know my cheeks are missing something....ding ding! Earrings! I'm calling you, Amanda Bynes, come to my house and I will put you through a little two-kids-in-diapers-both-under-three rehab, I'll have you ship shape in no time. No cheek earrings allowed.

2. I was one of those people that became overly concerned about Princess Kate's baby. I'm embarassed to admit it but the public should know the truth. At my worst I was checking my US weekly app 10-12 times a day for updates on the Royal Baby. Then when it finally came time for it I felt terrible for her. All those people waiting outside, zero privacy, feeling like the world is watching, and you're just praying that the baby isn't huge and your who-ha doesn't need stitches. On that note, can you imagine the pressure on that physician? I think I read somewhere the royal doctor was like 82, not kidding, so maybe he had enough confidence to move past that, but really can't imagine going through the motions without thinking, "that's a princess vajayjay, that's a princess vajayjay." That immaturity is exactly why I was not cut out to be doctor (and that's the only reason. HA!).

3. Whenever I go shopping in a mall that has those random kiosks with massage chairs and overly giddy looking Chinese men I'm always amazed at how much business they're getting. Who are these people that are just moseying along, done with their shopping in Sears, and decide they need a massage fully in public? That can't be relaxing at all. I want to be the person that's so relaxed they can totally mellow out in the middle of the shopping mall for a massage. No wait I don't. I think you're weird.

4. We traveled quite a bit this summer and there's nothing like traveling to make you feel like a white trash hot mess. I loved that every time we walked up to our gate to get on the airplane I felt the eyes seize on me and silently pray they weren't seated next to us. If you haven't changed a massive baby blowout diaper on an airplane in those tiny bathrooms then you really haven't lived! I am not sure when my life got so glamorous.

This year we flew Jet Blue because it was the only airline that got us from Ft. Lauderdale to Boston on a straight flight, and since we still had to rent the car and drive to Cape Cod I wanted to make the trip as easy as possible. The airline is a little more expensive but you get a personal TV and snacks each way! It's amazing how the little things when you're up in the air feel like the biggest luxuries. I guess it's because I'm just on survival mode but when you're drowning and a lady is handing you endless bags of animal crackers, it's like a lifesaver.

When traveling there is one particular person I began to resent: random Emo/Skater looking boys. I would notice them all over, and the main reason is that they weigh less than I do and their little skinny jeans would not fit my booty. There was one in particular on one of our flights that absolutely weighed less than I did and spent the whole flight with an introspective look on his face. Listen you are 13 what do you have to be introspective about?! Take my squirmy 8 month old for 20 minutes and change a few diapers and then you can ponder.

5. This one is small. It's a sheer miracle that on the days when Brooks says "mom" repeatedly 1,000 times that I don't punch him square in the face. Just want a little respect on that one.