For the Love of the Game

I have often thought of doing a post on what it's like to grow up in this crazy life of football....the only thing that has kept me hesitant from writing about my experiences is that I don't know where to begin, or where it would ever end. I feel like I have been so engrossed in this crazy life in so many different ways that I could write a novel on the experiences I have had, if anyone would ever read it (snoooooze).

In the past few months there have been a lot of articles about a certain football player named Johnny Manziel, the quarterback at Texas A&M. He has at times done things to bring attention to himself in a negative manner in the past few months. Because he won the Heisman Trophy after his unbelievable freshman year, he was thrust into the limelight, and what happened is what would probably happen for about 95% of all regular college guys - he made mistakes, and the world got to watch, and judge. He just didn't have the luxury to go through this new fish bowl life without facebook, ESPN stories, and twitter. I am not going to write an "I feel sorry for Johnny Manziel" article, mostly because I think my husband would kill me for writing a blog on him at all. I honestly don't know what you will think about this blog Zac, but I hope you will understand that I need to write it.

Most of my blogs have a purpose, all selfish. I recently wrote about my beautiful sister Kathryn who has down syndrome, and the lessons she has taught me. I want to think of Kathryn and smile and remember those things that she has taught me. I don't really know what the purpose of this blog is except to be therapy for me. So here I go. I am going to write a little ditty about what I think that about the current game of football, and maybe what we can all learn from it.

With the start of the NFL regular season last weekend I am brought back. I feel the all too familiar knots in my stomach and I will spend every Sunday (or in this season's case, 2 Mondays and a Thursday night too) feeling like I will puke at any second watching what is just a game, but for my family, so much more.

I have never known what it is like to watch football as a fan. I truly cannot imagine showing up to a football game and just enjoying it, stress free. I have watched this crazy game as a daughter who loves her dad more than anything in the world. And I have watched my dad endure both some of the coolest moments and hardest disappointments. I have watched as a girlfriend crazily in love with the man on the field getting sacked. I have stood next to him while he gets told by a trainer after the game to not go to sleep for a few hours because he has endured a concussion. And now, I watch as a loving wife of a coach knowing my family is depending on my husband's paycheck and job.

I met my husband at the University of Nebraska, where he was, in my opinion, the greatest Quarterback to ever play the game. Yes, I think that highly of my husband :) God matched me with the most amazing man, and I think he's pretty perfect. When we began to date, I was so in love with him, his humble demeanor, his his sense of humor, the way he hugged me and I felt like everything was going to be ok, it didn't occur to me that he could ever be a football coach. I had grown up as the daughter of a football coach, and honestly, it's probably best I didn't see it coming, because I'm not sure I could have willingly signed up to be the wife of a football coach.

The spectrum of social media has vastly changed football. It has changed game day, coaching preparations, recruiting, pretty much everything. It has changed the way we watch it, it has changed what it means to be a fan. It has changed what it means to be a player and a coach. Now that every single player's move is being accounted for, on the field and off the field, we all have this opportunity to sit on our couches and judge. Sure, we did this before, but we were just judging the game. We weren't judging their personal lives, or the comment they made after the game in anger. The comment that can now be played out on YouTube over, and over, and over again. I made so many mistakes in college. I am lucky that I was so old that Facebook was just emerging at the end of college for me. I can't imagine all the mistakes I made compounded with social media.

I have always loved football. I can't remember a moment that football wasn't king in my house. My dad has been a football coach for my whole life. We have moved all over the country following his successes and cheering him on. He is the most hard working, classy individual I have ever known. And he has instilled in me a great, passionate love for this game. However, in the last 18 months a little piece of my heart was torn out that I don't think is ever going to be replaced. I don't think I'm ever going to see this game the same. When my dad was released from Texas A&M University after pouring his entire heart, soul and being into the job, the University, and the men on the team that he hand picked, I crumbled. I questioned my God. I questioned everything about this world, the only world I've known. I didn't understand why someone who had worked so hard for a program and brought it to the brink of insane success wasn't allowed to see that success through.

And you truly, truly cannot imagine the sting that I feel watching that happening. I know that other people have endured pain, and heartache. But it's just so hard what it's like to explain how it feels to have all these life events play out on such a public scale. I don't have hate that I had in my younger years, and I'm thankful to God for that, because I know he has given me the strength to move past that. My dad was let go from the Green Bay Packers when I was 23, and this time around is very different. I had a lot of hate then, but things are different now. I'm not sure that I'm older and wiser, I think I just know that the hate isn't going to get me anywhere. But I'm sad. Beyond sad. My heart aches for my dad. I worked in recruiting with him for 3 years and I have never in my life been around an individual that cared more about turning a program around and bringing it back to an amazing place.

Texas A&M University is an easy place to love. It has unbelievable traditions, it's old-school fun, with some of the classiest people in the world. I love College Station. If I even think of our precious house that my husband and I built and brought my first baby home in, I begin to tear up. I became a wife in College Station. I became a mom. And I became the proudest daughter you could ever imagine watching my dad bring back the Aggies.

I'm not naive. My dad didn't have an undefeated record while he was there. And even though he's my dad and I think he's the most amazing man, I know he is not perfect. But he brought in the unbelievable talent that is the reason they are currently winning. He is an offensive line genius, if you didn't know. That offensive line protected the Heisman Trophy winner last year. And yes. He recruited and secured Johnny Manziel. I am just a little upset that my daddy doesn't get to share in the credit. I want to say again that I am not naive or stupid, and I know he wasn't the coach last year when the Aggies soared. But he brought them there. And if you are a true Aggie, then you know that. And you appreciate him for it.

This all that I want for people, for the fans, for those that don't know the ins and outs of this life to know - that when I would have loved to see my dad for dinner, he was in the office pouring over high school football tape, making sure he hand-picked not just the best players athletically, but the ones who would uphold all the ethics that represent Texas A&M University too. When I would have loved for my dad to be laying on the floor playing with my son, he was on a recruiting call, convincing countless players that yes, they had made the right decision - they were the perfect fit for Texas A&M University and it was the perfect fit for them.

You see coaches kids pay a price. I didn't get to see my dad every day growing up. Not even close. He missed a lot of hugs for boo boos, high school athletic events, bedtime prayers. But I have never doubted for one second that he loved me more than anything in the world and that he was doing the right thing. He has had such an amazing effect on everyone, and everything, he has touched, I can see now that I needed to share him. But that doesn't make it fair.

When my dad was released from the Green Bay Packers, being extremely close at the time, I went to the office with him in the middle of the night and helped him pack up his office. He was broken. I could see it everywhere on his face that he hurt and that he wanted things to be different. I can't imagine he wasn't mad, but he didn't show madness. I walked around the facility with him as he went around to each and every custodian, parking attendant, and janitor, whom he knew by name, and tipped them, and thanked them personally for all their hard work. I watched him soak up the building, every corner he turned at midnight, the office he had spent so many hours in, the office he was in, game planning, when he missed my cross country meets. And it was the first time in my life, didn't know how to help my dad. I remember that moment and it makes my heart hurt when I think about it.

I'm not suggesting that you feel sorry for me or for the people that I love who have been hurt. I am just offering this view in hopes that, even if just for a second, when you are disappointed by a play, a player, or a coach's decision, that you remember, they are just people too. Coaches have long nights with their babies who won't sleep and wake up at 5 a.m. the next day to put in an 18 hour work day to try to out play the other team. Players have girlfriends that they get in fights with and spend the night working things out. And they wake up and step out on a football field, waiting to be judged. Waiting to be judged by everyone. They want you, the fan, to scream as loud as you can and leave that game happy. They want that rush that comes after a win. Trust me, they want it more than you. We all want success. But these people are doing it on such a public forum, they don't get afforded the luxury to "mess up" and make it better. They will be fired or cut by then.

So watch the games this weekend and cheer loud for the good reasons. Cheer for the freshman who is making his debut today and will catch his first college football pass. This will be a day he will remember forever. When you find yourself questioning the call, remember that you chose to have that breakfast burrito before your 6 tailgate beers, and that wasn't the best decision was it? We all make mistakes.

This is a wonderful, amazing game. I feel so blessed to have been able to have the view I've had. I thank God every day that I married a man that is as classy and hard working as my husband, and I'm glad I'll get to carry on this life as a wife, too. I hope I can support him and pick him up when he's down. I hope in 45 years, that he has more wins than losses. And I pray every day for you daddy. I pray that you know how much I think of you, as a football coach, as a man, and as a follower of Jesus. You are undefeated in my book. Love, Sarah